It's Done and It's Happening

The research paper is done - checking sources, proofreading and concluding paragraphs!!!!!

The cookies are baking - Christmas cookies (just like I need a cup of butter and a cup of sugar). My comment to my 16 year old - I should just go get some 15 pound weights and attach them to my butt somewhere!!!!!

I think I'm going to try and participate in a marathon...I am slow - in fact, I don't even run...will start slowly and see what happens. I just hope that the other part of life doesn't get in the way.

The Geography Club has been accepted as a registered student organization at my school. I am the chairperson of the Bicycle Project Committee - we want to send reconditioned bikes to a developing country to be used by and for women...working on the details of where, how, what kinds of bikes...so much fun.

Received the paperwork today to start applying to incorporate a non-profit group - I am thinking I want to call it Mango Tree, in honor of our first project. At this point, I'm not even saying in honor of what we hope will be our first project...this will be our first project!!! I'm so excited about the possibilities.

Tonight is our ONE event - the movie in the cafe - a move screening on the "Girl in the Cafe."

Next week is the last week of school and finals begin on Thursday - no time to spare in the middle of finishing classes and starting finals!!!!!!! I have three take home papers due, 97 Spanish sentences to memorize, a rough draft due in two days...and, oh yeah, finals!!!

Life is a grand experience. I just don't want to miss a beat!

Nancy

I've Been Thinking

I saw a picture that today that really got to me - it was a picture of a starving African child crawling on hands and knees to a feeding station. It upset me.
We talked in class today about why no one in the international community is responding to the crisis in Darfur. It upset me.

We talked about the issues of state sovereignty and the wording of the genocide convention - about how the "intent" to commit genocide must be proved before the international community can act to stop the killing. It upset me.

I have come to two conclusions: First, is the fact that we have to begin to think outside the box on some of these horribly difficult issues we face today. Just think where we would be without the creative thinking of the Founding Fathers of the USA. Look at the radical theories of Milton Friedman, Jeffrey Sachs and "shock therapy for struggling economies." Look at what Lech Walesa did in Poland - he was an electrician who changed the entire face of Polish politics by thinking outside the box and coming up with a plan.

Maybe the solution in Darfur will be to encourage China (a country who has a lot vested in Sudan) to take the lead on this one. Maybe we need to stop looking at all the regular places and things for a solution.

Please, before you label me a fool and naive, let me assure you that I am well aware of the issues that faced the Poles after (and during) the solidarity movement.

My second conclusion is this: We, as the residents of this great international, diverse community must create the political will to affect change. We must be the ones who make the decisions on how we are going to handle situations like the one in Darfur. We must be the voices for those who don't have voices. It is up to us! Stop giving it to someone else - stop looking for excuses on why you shouldn't care.

Someone today was remimding me of the horrors in Kosovo - talking about how we were inundated with pictures streaming out of Kosovo - all the children and old men - if even that - every day we saw those images streaming across the television, newspapers. Yet, how many days go by and we don't see those pictures in front of us regarding Darfur? Let's face it, the crisis in Darfur is far from sexy and yes, it has been going on for a hell of a long time. Yet, we continue to allow our governments, our free presses to do nothing. It upsets me.

See, maybe I'm an idealist but I am going to continue to force myself to think outside the box, to help create a will within my own community, my friends and family, my classmates that we have the right to create the political will to stop this madness.

Things I Know

Things I Know
I'm tired of narrow minded, self aggrandizing (but I only do it for myself bs) people. Those people that think they are better than others, start things and then refuse to listen to both sides of an argument! Go away!

Getting a trademark only means that a coffee grower has to be paid an additional "trademark" fee for someone to buy their coffee beans - it doesn't guarantee coffee prices, only the world wide market does that. I'm not sure if that amount is equivalent to the money that some companies freely give to communities for development purposes (on top of the bonus prices they pay for beans).

The French figured out that they really didn't want as many restrictions as they thought they did on the agriculture based products they produce because it may mean that they may lose their income for that product totally.

I still support Starbucks - I still believe they do better in this world than a lot of other companies - I am glad that they are engaged at all.

I love being busy - this week has been great.

The KSU Geography Club is a reality - I wrote the constitution, presented the club to the Student and Administrative Board yesterday and we were recognized as a new registered student organization. We are going to work on projects that involve developing countries and economic development - particularly for women.

Yesterday I joined a student group - STAND - Students Taking Action Now Darfur.

Yesterday, because I was in the STAND meeting and someone asked me why I was there - ONE, I was asked to help develop a community service project, with ONE type goals, for 25 freshmen in a community learning setting!!!!!!! Oh, just consider the possibilities - hands on, students held captive (hostage is okay too). Just think of what can be accomplished!

Today I worked the Geography Awareness Week table in the student center - learning projects and working with others who want to make a difference in the world, make me happy.

Today I saw the film made by the college students from Southern California - Invisible Children. Hug your babies and be damned glad that you weren't born in Uganda! Remind yourself just how fucking lucky you are to have been born in this country or, at least remind yourself just how fucking lucky you are to live in this country! If you have other feelings, get over yourself.

Today after the film, the professor who sponsored it, told the kids in the class who I was, why I was there (as a representative from ONE) and a student, and a founding member of STAND at KSU and, if they were interested in learning more about the activities I was involved with, she would get them in touch with me!!!!!

We talked about the importance of the shift in development policies from just handing money to governments (corrupt or not) over the last 20 years from the first Live Aid event to the current model and preference for people in developing countries to be an integral part of the development process from the bottom up!

I know I am lucky, the more people I meet, the more opportunities I have to let people know they have choices in how to respond to the global emergencies we face today. This is all happening to me for a reason. Yes, it's a lot of work. No, I don't get paid for it. Yes, this is happening to me for a reason - it's where I should be!

Nancy

P.S. Thanksgiving next week - everyone will be coming here. That means movies (Bond and Borat), laughs, walks - family comforts. And, everytime I am able to hug and love my babies, my husband and my mom - I will remember how lucky I am.

Three weeks of school before finals - too much to do.

nbb

Joe's Birthday

Today is Joe's birthday. He is 20. I remember very vividly the day Joe was born. He was 7 lbs 2 ozs, snuggly and sweet. This is one spectacular young man. Joe has always been Joe. If you knew him, you would know what I mean. He's steady, incredibly funny, incredibly smart. He is perceptive and frequently knew when I was upset with him before I even said anything. He refused to date beautiful stupid women in high school. Took a blow up doll to junior prom and his favorite "real" girl to senior prom. His friends have been his friends for a lifetime - he really values them - they will always be his friends. Joe went to college two years ago - I knew when he left that he would really never come home. Thankfully (and sadly), I'm right. He is happy at school, has good friends, is in a fraternity with people he respects, has goals for his life and dates smart beautiful women. He is active in theatre - doing a play right now - I have always admired his professional take on theatre - he works like a dog - every night for the past few weeks from 7-11 at night. I know he gets tired but he would never say anything. When he was younger, he and his friend Conrad would make movies - they would pretend they were men from Mexico complete with big sombreros and serapes, they would make movies of Conrad in a box in the middle of the street with a sign on it that said Conrad was naked inside the box, they would do strange interviews with people. I would go to the movies with Joe and feel like we had watched an entirely different movie. He would always ask me what my favorite part was and I would just look at him as he recited specific lines from the movie, told me about certain camera angles. Joe was in a Professional play at the Georgia Ensemble Theatre when he was about 11 or 12. Joe had to attend rehearsals at all weird hours of the night - he was the only kid in the show. I probably saw that show about 5 times...Joe's part came at the end - I could barely contain my excitement when he came out on stage! I'm glad he has been a part of my life for 20 years. He has definitely made me a better person!

Thanks Joe!

Love you.

Get Over It

So, I finally got over the dishes incident. It seems, at least for the last few days (hopefully for the next few days), that we have finally reached an agreeable rhythm for this time in our lives.

I saw the Red Hot Chili Peppers last week with my son and two of his friends. We had seats on the floor - I learned something, again, even though I have been going to rock concerts my entire life - short people should not get floor tickets unless they are in the first five rows. I had to work to see the right side of the stage...so, as a result, I was completely mesmerized by Flea. I have never seen anyone play bass or move the way he does. It was amazing - like I said mesmerized.

Today I am going to be a volunteer at Heifer International. This year, my adult birthday and Christmas gifts will be Heifer animals. They are an awesome group - the work they do is based on education and sustainability - it doesn't get any better than that.

Tomorrow is a working lunch with ONE - we are working on our November 11 event and the December 2 event. November 11 is Microcredit. December 2 is movie night - The Girl in the Cafe - based around the G8 occurrence in Scotland, I think.

I am also six weeks away from the end of the semester. Yeah! But that means finals, research paper, other papers, power point presentations, Thanksgiving and my family.

Must run and send more e-mails before I take the doggie out for her morning sniff and pee.

Nancy

Dishes

This morning, my husband and I had a big fight about the dishes in the sink. You see, yesterday, we dropped the youngest off at school at 8:00 for play rehearsals then we went to the gym. Went for bagels, went to Wal-Mart - came home. Hubby fixed a big breakfast for himself - eggs, bacon, bagel...left all the dishes in the sink and the pots and pans that wouldn't fit in the sink were left on the stove. The dishwasher had dirty dishes in it but it wasn't full - in fact, the door of the dishwasher was open!!! I had a mini-bagel, put my dishes in the dishwasher, went for a shower. Came down, hubby's asleep on the couch and I'm starting my laundry and starting homework and studying for the day. I don't do his dishes. It pisses me off when he makes this big breakfast for himself and leaves the dishes in the sink like he thinks the freaking maid is going to come in and clean up after him. The day goes by - I still don't do the dishes. We got out for an early dinner, come home, watch tv - wait for the youngest to get home from homecoming (no date just a group of friends) and go to bed. Dishes still in the sink.

This morning, I get up, start the coffee, go to the gym for a spin class, come home and he greets me at the door with a diatribe on me not doing the dishes! I'm astonished and pissed off. I go up for a shower - he fixes breakfast AGAIN only this time, he gets most of his dishes in the sink and I finish up after I eat. But, I'm pissed!

I don't mind helping - he cooks, I help with cooking and cleaning. But for some idiotic reason, my otherwise completely intelligent husband doesn't understand that it isn't right for him to expect me to clean up after him. It reeks of pigishness (I had a Welsh friend who used the very descriptive word churlish for such descriptions.)

When I cook, I clean up. No one does it for me - I never cook for just myself and I always am cleaning up after everyone else. You see, for about 18 years I was a stay at home mom - hubby traveled, has a great career - I stay home, cook, clean, raise three children...now two of the kids are away at college, hubby is still in successful career (only he is taking some time off now - like a year and a half, with pay, of course so he's home full time) I only have one kid at home, am a full time college student (taking 5 classes, part-time job and a pretty large volunteer commitment (chorus and the Atlanta organizer for the ONE campaign) and he still thinks I should come home at the end of the day and take care of him.

He did laundry the other day (mind you it was only his laundry) and I thought he was going to break his arm patting himself on the back. Never mind that for 25 years - even when I worked full-time before kids and part time once the oldest turned 17 (she's now 21) and during kids - I'm still expected to do all the house chores. Did he ever once fall all over himself to tell me how nice it is to come home to clean clothes, a nice meal, blah, blah, blah. No, not really!

This ego thing in men is amazing! I live on very little input - very few people tell me what a great job I am doing. Most of the time I don't need others to acknowledge what I do or what a great job I do - it just needs to be done so you do it. I don't ask for a lot of special treatment. But my husband can't get enough! I now understand why women work...it's a place where you go and people recognize you for your brains and the accomplishments you make in a day are measurable. That's why I go to school - only, right now, I don't have a lot of academic confidence. Kind of frustrating - I'm making good grades and still don't have a lot of confidence.

Oh well. I have classes tomorrow - a Spanish test that I'm a little worried about - my other classes have demanded so much of my time that I'm a little worried that I'm not real clear on a few things. I will study some more tonight, in the morning and then at my break mid-morning right before I go to Spanish.

Ciao.

nbb

Friends and Family

A Note from my beautiful daughter:

visits from family and friends

I drove to my parents' house in Roswell on Friday afternoon, after I finished a group meeting, to spend some time with my family and our long-time friends, the Thomases, before I head to New Orleans for Fall Break on Wednesdays. We've known the Thomas family FOREVER--George, the dad, was my first soccer coach and the man who fought for and won permission for me to play with the boys until we left Minnesota. Dylan, the oldest Thomas son, was my soccer partner and best friend. Kris, the momma, used to braid my hair (my momma didn't know how), because she didn't have any daughters. Ryan, the second oldest son, was Hobo's best friend. And Alex, their youngest son (who accompanied George and Kris to Roswell for the weekend) was a few years behind Hurricane but--thanks to Dylan and Ryan--capable of holding his own with the older kids. For years, they lived around the corner from my family in the small Minnesota town, Eden Prairie, where I grew up. They moved to Winona, Minnesota (where Daddy and George had gone to college) sometime shortly after my family moved to Arizona...and every summer, when my daddy's best college buddies gather with their wives/husbands/children for a weekend reunion (called GOOF--Get-together Of Old Friends), the Thomases host a huge backyard bbq in their home.

Seeing my parents around their closest friends is one of the most relaxing, comforting environments I've ever stepped foot into. The hustle and bustle of daily life stops, and suddenly everybody is slow and calm. The liquor starts flowing early, and it doesn't stop until the last friend standing has finally agreed to go to sleep. Nobody bothers to cook--instead, food is heaped in incredible quantities and varieties upon the kitchen counters, and everyone fixes what they want, when they want. Things like stuffed olives, crackers and cheese, tabbouleh and tapenade, hummus and hunks of fresh bread, become the mainstay of our time together. Daddy loosens up enough to swear and talk about all the things he never talks about. Music plays nonstop on the little speakers set up around our house, and it becomes a game to guess who is singing, the name of the song, and whether or not the song was originally written (or recorded) by somebody else. Stacks of books line the coffee tables, and every once in a while somebody will collapse on the couch and start flipping pages. My puppy goes wild with affection, taking nibbles cautiously dropped from generous kitchen-going fingertips. And in this time of year, there's always a fire--and though it's too cold for comfort outside, it seems so much warmer and brighter with all the company around.

I've grown up around my parents' friends. Summers, weekend trips, nearby neighbors, phone calls on a Sunday evening...they are a constant presence in my life, hovering and telling jokes, keeping everyone together, smoothing out the wrinkles and the stress of daily life. At any given moment, I have 20 sets of parents to fall back on, and so many "brothers" and "sisters" that it's impossible to count. I'm the second-oldest of this entire, long-standing crew...and it's incredible to have watched SO many kids grow up and change and become the people they are today. Throughout my entire life, I've never wished for a stable, solid romantic relationship--but instead I've searched for these types of friendships, for the people who will sit around with you all day--who will get hammered at funerals with you and cry by your side--who will yell at my nonexistant children when they make mistakes--who will visit my children (even if they don't know them well) and tip them when they're waiting tables in New Orleans all summer.

Thank you Lesley for your beautiful thoughts and insights. I love you.

I am writing papers today. A foreign policy brief on Venezuela - three issues: the situation in the Middle EAst, the situation in Darfur and UN counterterrorism. I researched and researched and found nothing concrete on anything except Venezuela's involvement with counterterrorism issues. I guess I was thinking that there would be a written policy statement - we from Venezuela feel this way about the Middle EAst and Darfur...no such luck. Plus, I was having a very difficult time trying to decide what tone I wanted to take...take Chavez's tone which I think is extremely cocky or take the tone of a foreign policy expert - I chose a middle ground and had to guess on how and what Venezuela's policies were on the issues.

Now I am working on another paper - a review of an article on Human Rights. I really enjoy working on these kinds of papers. It is nice to be intellectually challenged.

Cold weather here today - I stayed in most of the day - had a day off from classes and spent it, writing papers...

Got a little work-out in this afternoon - a little bike and an hour of weights. Sometimes, it is so hard to lift weights - sometimes they are just so heavy.

Tonight Andy and his band Odds and Ends, had their first public concert. It was at Pope and a fund raiser for the foreign language department. Andy said they played great and that everyone in the crowd thought they were great. Andy plays bass and he is good. These are his best friends and they happen to be fairly talented musicians. It is fun to watch them. I told him I didn't want him to forget how he felt tonight - to remember his first gig for a long time. I also asked him how the kids responded to them all after they were finished. He said it was really neat - the kids kept coming up to him. It will be challenging to keep his feet solidly on the ground. He enjoys the music so much!

I am going to make a new post here that is a copy of what my daughter wrote about our friends coming to visit.

Nancy

Bono and Product RED

Product RED
I am still trying to come down from the Bono high from yesterday. Yesterday was the launch date in the United States for Product RED - something many I have been waiting for and waiting for...

I stopped in my local and favorite Gap store and they had the RED products on the front table as you entered the store. I picked up a few t-shirts - took them to the dressing room t0 check for fit. Engaged the fitting room girls in a chat about Product RED - asked them if they were familiar with the product, what could they tell me - I WAS SURPRISED!!!!!!! They actually had a clue! While they weren't completely as well versed as others (like me) they were fairly articulate and, more important, excited.

When I was checking out one of the adult sales ladies approached me and wanted to talk with me about the product. Again, I was fairly impressed with her knowledge of the product and the initiative it supported - I had to help her a little bit on the issues of the global fund, but I didn't mind.

So, I hurried home, set the VCR, turned on televisions all over the house so I wouldn't miss a thing (you know just in case I had to run to the bathroom and couldn't wait until commercial)...got the hubby to turn on the big screen in the basement so I could turn it up really loud and watch with abandon...

This man Bono, really touches my heart. I cried through parts of the show...laughed out loud at some parts of the show...was completely touched by the whole show. He has one of the biggest hearts (outside of my hubby) I have ever seen and he wears it with abandon on his sleeve. I read somewhere that he said he covers his eyes because that is his way to privacy - not letting people see into the mirrors of his soul. Yet, his heart is out there - maybe that's why he needs to shade his eyes. He was so good with Oprah - she ran the show and he went along with it - but, I think she was completely in awe of this man as well.

What still amazes me is that I don't understand why Bono is able to get to me like he does. Why do I care what he is involved in, why do I get weak kneed, why does my stomach twist and turn into knots, wy do I trust him? It's weird. I'm a pretty private person - bloggings a big huge adventure for me, me really going out on a limb. Yet, someone I don't know (an Irish rock star of all things), will probably never really have a chance to get to know (oh to be rich and famous right now) has really forced me to rethink a lot of things in my life. Why this person? I will admit, before I would allow myself to get too involved, I spent a lot of time doing research - reading, looking, listening - really trying to find the inconsistencies, the flaws that would make me not trust him. Yet, what I have found is a man, with flaws, who appears to be one of the most genuine people around - a man who values the same things I do: friends, family. Yet he still remains an enigma to me - which is the most beautiful inconsistency of all - his rock and roll lifestyle and his way of life. Somehow, he and his family live a great life filled with love, family and friends, never lose their humility and maintain their integrity and high standards.

Anyway, I really enjoyed seeing, hearing - the interactions, the subtleties of his smile and his eyes, his thoughtfulness - his heart! The way he was holding hands with Oprah, the appreciation for the people who came out to see him. Truly a wonderful man and that makes me proud!!!!!

Nancy

Sunday, October 8, 2006

I just logged on and saw the blog of note Three Beautiful Things. It was a neat blog - I like the idea of focusing on at least three things every day that inspire or move you. I think someties we get so used to talking about all the not so beautiful issues of every day life that we forget the celebrations of our everyday life.

Today:

1. I slept late - all the way until 8:00 - no one else's alarms going off, no rush to get up...it was wonderful! I haven't slept like that in a few weeks.

2. Had a great shower - the kind I get after a great work out, a great breakfast and the knowledge that I have the rest of the day ahead of me.

3. Beautiful fall day in the south - the maple trees are just starting to change, the air is fresh - not too humid.

Homework looming.

Nancy

Credit to Clare - Three Beautiful Things

Okay, I'm a Nerd

My geekiness is reaching full flight right now:

My first Economist, from my new student subscription, arrived in the mail today! I was giddy with excitement!

My Power Point presentation that is due next week on the Democratization of the Czech Republic - is ready. We have to do an oral presentation on Thursday...7 minutes presenting our findings. This is the first half of a research project in Comparative Politics - we are comparingthe democratization of a country of our choice (Czech Republic) to the potential for the democratization of Iraq. What a fascinating topic! My geekiness shows on my dining room table - research from the United National Human Development Reports, from the CIA, from the Czech Republic government website, the US Department of State, even Wikipedia.

I am finally being challenged academically - in my Poli Sci Classes - Comparative Politics and International Law and Organizations - I couldn't be having more fun!

One more example of my nerdiness: In my Comparative Politics class, our professor - one of the elite professors...carries a pocket copy of the Constitution of the United States. In class on Thursday, he was trying to link up from our class internet connection with the Declaration of Human Rights. The link wasn't working so I reached in my backpack and pulled out my copy of the Declaration of Human Rights!!!!! The pocket version!!!! We were all laughing at our extreme nerdiness!!!!! I told my professor I would let him look at it, but he had to be gentle!!!!!

Atlanta ONE is having an event tonight at my neighborhood clubhouse...with are welcoming Heifer International, one of our partners, for an educational evening!!!!!!!! I made the tortilla roll-ups. If we get some good photos, I will post them - maybe I can get them posted on the one.org website!!!!!!

Next week is the AIDS Walk Atlanta - we have been invited to join CARE and Dr. Helene Gayle - we will not only have a table but a 10x10 TENT!!! CARE is going to give us t-shirts, wristbands, declarations - I can't tell you how much easier it makes our jobs to particpate in events when you have partners who actually have budgets, etc.

Love and peace everyone!

I'm not writing too much lately - too much school work...Some times I feel so completely overwhelmed.

But, then I have a day like today when, for some reason, it just clicks in my head. What I am reading, why I am studying...if you could see me, there are little light bulbs going off all over my head...

Parts of my family are in transition right now. They're changing rhythms! My daughter called and announced that she is scheduled to graduate on May 12, 2007 - FROM COLLEGE!!!!! How could it be that I am old enough to have a child graduate from college. I am so extremely proud of her - especially since her college experience started out on less than a good note. She's tough and she has an incredibly fabulous mind. Sometimes she just doesn't trust herself...and then there's this Italian teacher who is a perfect ass to her (never mind that she probably said some things to him she shouldn't have said but...). I hope she can keep herself focused on the few months ahead.

My husband came three weeks ago and announced that he would not be going back to his office - that he had come to an agreement with the President that he should do something different. My husband was a CEO (or something like that) in a company, attempting to do portfolio development and acquisitions,but he didn't feel this was a very good time, financially to be in that part of this business - he doesn't feel is productive. So, they parted ways - with my husband getting a phenomenal severance package...which means he could stay home for 1.5 years!!!! God help me if he does that. Anyway, it was a good decision! The interesting part, is that my hubby is in hot demand (a nice feeling) and the phone has not stopped ringing - people want him to come to work for them, people want him to consult with them/for them, people want him to come speak, to be on boards of directors. I may have mentioned here before but my husband is, without a doubt, the smartest man I have ever met. So, making another decision on what to do with the rest of his working life will be well thought out. I am lucky in that I don't have to worry that he will do something boneheaded...I mean, he will do something great. It's nice to not have to worry about where the mortgage payment is going to come from, or how we are going to pay for college for three. My attitude - my hubby has worked his entire life, made a great living, become very successful and he should do whatever he wants/needs to do.

That brings me to the weird part - like for at least the last 10 years - maybe more - I have been married to a man who travels almost three weeks out of four. Now that's been hard sometimes but the bottom line is that it has really allowed me to be my own woman. I tend to be rather independent, comfortable with myself and making my own decisions - plus when you have three children and a black lad you are never really alone and you are always so damn busy that you don't have time to really think about anything else except what needs to be done next...Now, I have a husband who is home full time. I have gone from sleeping alone about 20 nights a month to not sleeping alone at all..I feel terrible complaining about it but I don't have any private time anymore. Not that I am doing anything that really needs private time but there is no time to collect my thoughts, to think about the day, to check my U2.com, anything.

Anyway, my mom is freaking out too. Our cousin died and it just dredged up a whole lot of really sad and bad memories for my mom - when her mom died, when her brother died. She just got really upset and was trying to get involved in things she didn't need to be involved in. Resulting in her finally not going to the funeral. She was mad at our cousin's brother, our other cousin, for not coming to see his sister until almost two-three weeks after she had been hospitalized. It was so sad.

My youngest son is on the verge of taking one of his bands public. My middle child and oldest son is doing fabulously in college - fraternity, play, making A's in calculus (freaking scary) and playing the drums.

Me, I'm still just trying to keep up - I missed a submission deadline for the Geography Club constitution - can do it next month - too many papers to write and too many articles to read. Sometimes my eyes get so tired...

I was very disappointed that I was not selected to go to New York City to a book signing by U2. Not getting chosen really hurt my feelings - why, I couldn't tell you but I guess I really thought I would be selected, randomly, from about 5 million fans. I mean, really, I had even decided what flight I was going to take, what I was going to wear, where I was going to stay...really scary. So, naturally I was disappointed when I didn't get chosen. What can I say. However, the mind is a great thing - by the time I had finished reading the e-mail saying I had not been chosen, I had justified it in my mind by reminding myself that this band has huge numbers of fans, that there is really no way, realistically, that I will never, ever get to meet them one on one! Then I started the pity party - not rich enough, not famous enough, not supermodel beautiful enough, not smart enough...that made me sad. Then I got mad at myself. Mad for allowing myself to get way too involved with people I don't even know - for giving my heart away, for wearing my heart on my sleeve - for someone I don't even know. Good time for a reality check. I'm not one to camp out overnight - so I am limiting my opportunites to interact with these great guys but I'm just not the screaming, autograph seeking kind of fan.

I think I would enjoy the conversation and maybe, even the friendship. Maybe one day!

nbb

Atlanta ONE and Heifer International

Current mood: satisfied

Atlanta ONE is pleased to announce an evening with Heifer International on Saturday, October 7, 2006 at the Edgewater Cove Clubhouse in East Cobb.

The evening will begin at 7:00 with light refreshments, mingling, etc then a representative from Heifer will do a presentation for us. Please check out our website www.atlone.org and the Heifer International website, www.heifer.org for more information on what Heifer does.

I hope you can join us.

Atlanta ONE will also be participating in the voter pledges initiative - asking people to make a commitment to vote and to remind others to vote. It's our right!

Look forward to seeing everyone Saturday, October 7.

Nancy

9/19/2006

My cousin passed away today. She died from lung cancer at the age of 64. The hospital staff had decided to honor her wishes (after all) to not keep her alive on a respirator, so after her brother arrived and he was able to see her, they removed the respirator. She passed away 30 minutes later.

We were not especially close the last 25 years, but she was family and always around when I was growing up.

I hope she is at peace.

Nancy

Heifer Thailand

Tonight I had the pleasure and privilege of meeting the Director of Heifer International Thailand, Pramote Eua-amnuay. It was an awesome experience. Needless to say, his English was much better than my Thai (which is non existent). Pramote was in the States to meet with people in the national office and, to meet some of the regional staff. Fortunately, Heifer has an office in Atlanta. So, I went to meet and hear this man speak of the wonderful work they are doing in Thailand with Heifer...

The big project they are working on is in northern Thailand. The project is called Project Help - an acronym I can't remember the meaning of. Basically, Heifer is working with hill village people in remote areas of northern Thailand. They are working with small animals - frogs, rabbits, chickens, fish. They are teaching the villagers how to raise chickens, how to use all the products available from all the animals - including chicken dung. The chicken coops are built over catfish ponds - the chicken dung falls into the pond, grows plankton and the fish eat the plankton. The eggs and fish provide protein for the villagers. They are also teaching the villagers how to raise "kitchen gardens." With the money villagers save by growing their own vegetables, they have been able to start saving their money in banks. Most of the villagers wouldn't get credit on their own, but because of Heifer, they are able to take advantage of banking relationships that would not otherwise be available to them. Additionally, Heifer is working in conjunction with several other partners (i.e., the Rotary) to build schools for the villagers to send their kids to. Because some of the villages are so remote, they have also had to build hostels for the kids to stay in - they even have lights in them.

Each country that Heifer is involved in develops their own programs using the Heifer models. They use local people to run things - taking advantage of connections within the country and communities. Each country is able to utilize resources and partnerships they have within their own country. The emphasis is on sustainable development at the regional level.

It was unbelievable to hear this man speak of the corruption in the cities and with the politicians - how many of the children end up being sold as a way for their families to make money, how kids will turn to prostitution and drugs and move to the city just to make money. He also mentioned that the villagers don't have the right to own land so the government can come in and take whatever they want, whenever they want.

I think the most amazing thing is that there are 19 leper colonies in Thailand - most of them located in the villages - keeps everyone separated. Kids of the lepers are so afraid of the stigma that will be attached to them, that many just leave their homes and families. I don't even know how you get leprosy - hell, I can't even freaking spell it.

Pramote also spoke of how funny and sad it is now that the tsunami relief people (the NGO's - that's exactly how he put it) have left. According to Pramote, he said the NGO's came in waving lots of money, giving it to people without expecting them to do anything, without guidance on how to rebuild, develop a master plan on development and then, they were gone. Fortunately, groups like Heifer have come in and are now working with people on developing master plans - utilizing the resources they have, figuring out what resources they don't have and eventually, taking the responsibility to manage and improve their own lives.

Going to meetings like this remind me of why I am involved! It reminds me that there are a whole lot of people who are working their butts off, on a daily basis, to imrove the world. I leave humbled by them and grateful for them, and it renews, my spirit and mind, to do what I can.

Oh another note, I left the house quite pissed off...I had asked my 16 year old to go with me tonight - I have always enjoyed his company. He couldn't be bothered. It really pissed me off. Right now, he's a spoiled rotten East Cobb brat who has everything given to him, has way more than he could ever need, use and he refuses to step outside himself for a few hours preferring instead to sit in the comfort of his home and play on the computer and play his bass. Anyway, when I got home, he asked all the right questions...and I told him that I thought he owed it to himself to go to outside events so he could experience, vicariously, what is happening in the world around him. It is so important for kids to realize that what they have is amazing compared to over 50% of the world - hell, let me go out on a limb, 75% of the world.

Gotta go to bed. I bike early in the morning.

www.heiferthailand.org

Nancy

Andre

Andre Agassi lost his third round match at the US Open yesterday. He lost to a guy not many had ever heard of...some 25 year old German kid named Benjamin Becker who played college tennis at Baylor in Texas. He was good. Andre just couldn't keep up. His back was hurting, sometimes I didn't think he would be able to stand up. Low balls were almost impossible for him to get down to. I hurt for him! After the match, Andre cried, I cried, my daughter cried, my sister-in-law cried. I mean, it was Andre and it ended a remarkable career as a professional tennis player.

As is typical of the man that Andre has become, he gave a beautiful speech on what it meant to him to know that he had the support, generosity and loyalty of a large group of people who have supported him through good times and bad. He talked about how the fans had given him their shoulders to stand on to reach for his dreams.

Yes, I was one of those fans. I loved the young flamboyant, "image is everything" kid that Andre was. He lived large, he dreamed out loud and he has lived his life with passion and determination. (Sound like anyone else you know?) I love the man he has grown up to become.

I can't imagine what it would have been like to grow up in front of millions of people. People that care about you, hate you - and you don't even know their names. I can't imagine being able to do anything so well that anyone really cared about whether I was good at it or not...whether I won or not. And, yet, by virtue of the fact that he was/is a public figure, many people feel comfortable dissecting his life, his decisions. Private life is relative when you are someone like Andre.

Celebrities have a really large trade off in their lives That money for privacy thing. That everyone knows your business (or at least they think they know your business) for the really huge home with gates around it. I'm not sure I would be able to handle it so gracefully. I wonder what it would feel like to have so many people that you don't know wanting something from you...and, on the other hand, having access to financial resources that allow them such a great lifestyle. A dichotomy!

So, it makes me feel good when I get that thanks - me and millions of others. I will never know Andre Agassi (or some other prominent celebrities that I would love to get to know) but I am glad that my shoulders were strong enough and broad enough to help you reach your dreams. They were great dreams - thanks for sharing them with us.

nbb

More Home Training Notes - 8/25/2006-9/10/2006

8/25/2006 - Spin
8/26/2006 - Spin and Yoga
8/27/2006 - Day Off
8/28/2006 - Ellipse
8/29/2006 - Day Off
8/30/2006 - Spin - Race Day
8/31/2006 - Domestic Bliss (doesn't that count?)
9/1/2006 - Spin Class upper body (real light - like 4 exercises)
9/2/2006 - Spin and Yoga
9/3/3006 - Day Off
9/4/2006 - Walk, Ellipse + weights
9/5/2006 - Day Off
9/6/2006 - Spin
9/7/2006 - Day off
9/8/2006 - Spin, upper body
9/9/2006

College and Meditation

My college classes started yesterday! I'm still in shock - the workload is going to be phenomenal. I am taking 5 classes - Macroeconomics, Intermediate Spanish, History of the World Since 1945, Comparative Politics, International Law and Organization. I'm worried - really worried. I have a ton of reading, one research paper, several short papers, more reading, Spanish verbs to learn.

Today on my way home from class I had one of those moments - still reeling from trying to figure out how I am going to manage all this work - where things were so clear. I listened to myself as I tried to talk myself out of being successful - you know that negative self-talk. And, it just dawned on me that I am my worst enemy in this situation. I have fabulous professors - they are engaged with what they are teaching and they are determined to engage my mind. Could this really be the turning point (of course it always happens right before you graduate, right) in my self-actualization? So, as I'm driving home, full of self doubt, for some reason, it occurs to me that I do really want to understand the economic rhythms of our society, that I do really want to be able to speak more than one language. So, in my mind, it all of a sudden becomes so clear - I want to embrace this opportunity, to be engaged, to learn to speak Spanish - to not worry about my success - my desire, my curiosity will fuel me. The peacefulness that took over was phenomenal - I am so settled now with this decision, so excited, again. So determined.

Off on another subject: Exercise. As a mature woman, I have found that I need to work out every day. It helps control my moods, my head, my weight...all those great things that you need help with as you "grow up." To that end, I try to workout at least five or six days a week. With a new schedule at school, I am trying to figure out how to keep my workouts in my schedule. My workouts include walking, biking (I really enjoy long distance biking and spin classes), doing the elliptical trainer, lifting weights. I try to swim and I would love to be able to run. Physically speaking, my goal is to participate in a sprint triathlon - they have them for women only - shorter distances all around. If I can get my head around the run (I may have to walk most of it) I will participate in some sort of event. I have also begun a new yoga and meditation series. The yoga is for my body and head, the meditation is for my soul! Yoga is great for athletes - lengthens my muscles and relieves the stress in my body. But, the meditation class - ah, that will be the key to all my success. My instructor always talks too much on the first night of class but what he said last night will stay with me for a very long time: Meditation helps you find that place in your soul that is just for you, that beautiful place that maybe has only been touched by a sunset, a smell, a song. Like when you are listening to music and you kind of go to that unbelievable place - as a musically oriented person, there are songs that move me to that place - like Clair de Lune, The Unforgettable Fire album by U2 moves me to that beautiful place...there are others. Meditation helps you to find that place without needing the external stimulation. I have chosen to be involved in the human rights area and sometimes I am overwhelmed by the kinds of problems I see within the groups I volunteer with - HIV/AIDS, poverty, starvation, war - have sometimes completely wiped me out physically, mentally and emotionally. I feel that I need that place to go to - this is trite, but that "happy place" deep inside my soul.

So, today I have worked out some really important things. I am happy! I am satisfied!

Nancy

Tired Today

I'm tired today - tired of getting up early, tired of the hot weather, tired of arguing with my husband over whether or not we keep the twig teepee trees that are broken, spider infested, dusty, tired of the traffic on the road, tired of people who don't have a perspective on their lives and children, tired of trying to figure out what to fix the guys in my house for dinner, tired of cooking good food only to have the guys complain that it wasn't steak, that there aren't any good cookies in the house, tired of worrying and trying to control things that I do not have the ability to control, like if my son is going to do okay in Algebra II with the hell bitch for a teacher. tired of worrying why my daughter is so tired...

Tired of my "H" key being stuck and having to take twice as long to type my little stupid blogs...

I'm cranky too!

I must be horribly hormonal! Ha, ha - H2!

Maybe I should have forced myself to go to the gym this morning. Okay, tomorrow I have Lorna's bike class and if that doesn't get the crap out of my body, nothing will.

I'm scared too - my classes start next week and I'm afraid (as I always am) that I won't get a damned thing the professors are trying to teach us...that I won't make straight "A's" because that's what us type "A" anal people have to do in order to feel successful - hope that's not too scary to others.

Solution: I think I will take my dog out, go to the grocery store, buy steaks, come home and have a nice big glass of Pinot Grigio!!!!!!!!!! Maybe shots of tequila!!!

Who knows - properly lubricated, all this shit may just take a back seat and maybe I will find something more important to become mentally absorbed in so I stop feeling like this. Maybe a little U2 video, especially with my vase of wine!

Here's to getting over being tired, SOON!!!

Nancy

School Days and Brain Spazzes

Today was the first day of school for my 16 year old. He is a junior in high school -can I just say how incredibly weird that is? It seemed like, for such a long time, he was 5 years old, then all of a sudden he was 10 - now I am looking at a young man who needs to shave (at least once a week), who is taller than me, literally squeezes the air right out of me and who still will come tell me good night before he goes to bed. All of a sudden, he's a junior!!! He still doesn't drive but needs to take the SAT and the ACT! He is starting to think about going to college!

It's funny how my mind can progress from that thought to all the other thoughts I am going to write about but it started me thinking. Bear with me here!

So thinking about my youngest in school - his passion is music, he hates academics - he sings in the high school Men's Chorus, has been accepted to the Chamber Choir, plays bass guitar, some regular guitar, and just yesterday, talked me into renting a 3/4 stand up bass! On top of that, he is taking piano lessons! Musically interested and involved. Will that get him into college? If I start worrying now, maybe I won't be such a freak in a year! So, then thinking about music reminds me that last night he informed me that he has a paying gig for October 31! Then, he reminds me that he needs to practice with his other band this weekend! Wow! All this band talk and performance talk spins my little brain right out of control - he's only 16! So, my brain moves back to the fact that his grades have got to be good this year - this is when it counts. So, then I remember that my next door neighbor, the math tutor, told me that the Algebra teacher my son has is pretty weak - maybe I should go ahead and make arrangements for the tutor. Where will I put a tutor in the schedule, what will he have to sacrifice? What will I have to sacrifice?

Then my brain takes another small side trip - I forgot that I volunteered to be the secretary for the Chorus booster club - which means that I have a meeting tomorrow night. The volunteer stuff always makes me laugh because my kids think it's funny what parents do for their kids! I'm not an uber volunteer - but when I do volunteer, it's best to not run into the kids because they will be embarrassed. They get embarrassed when I am out in public and some man talks to me, or worse yet, flirts with me. That got me to thinking about how weird it must be for celebrity kids to deal with the fact that other people find their parents "sexy, hot." I can visualize the eye rolling that happens at my home, I can only imagine what happens at say, Bono and Ali Hewson's home! Mind you, I have always taken a very open approach to the embarrassing my kids deal - in my honest opinion, it is my right and privilege to be there for them. I mean, really! What a riot!

I too am a student - a college student - this semester I am taking 5 classes - what the hell was I thinking? So, after putting the young one on the bus, I went to my school to buy textbooks. $327.45 later (without the Spanish textbooks that I already own), I am the proud owner of several gently used textbooks. I start flipping through the economics textbook, and once again, I am thinking - what the hell was I thinking?

One more little brain leap later - I'm thinking that I really need to organize some speakers for events that I want to schedule for ONE, trying to figure out how to help the high school students get ONE into their schools...and, oh wait, I need to write my geography professor an e-mail about the geography club, send an e-mail to Heifer International about the pilot program I want to do at my school. I need chocolate and liquid caffeine!

Then my feeble and tired brain moves to the facts that I really need to get in a few more hours at work before classes start - maybe I can pay for my textbooks and some for the other kids in my house who go to college. Which reminds me that I must really be married to a saint to tolerate a peri/pre-menopausal wife who is a full time college student, a 21 year old daughter who also has some moderate hormonal issues, a 19 year old son (enough said) and another son who is going through puberty! God, the man is a saint! What the hell was he thinking?

Tonight yoga starts for the new session - I'm going to try and take the meditation class - will that keep my brain running simpler?

I thought it would be fun to let my brain run away from itself for a little while this afternoon. Kind of fun!

Nancy

I Want to Work With Bono

I Want to Work With Bono
Okay - this is a really self serving entry. As I was sitting on the stationery bike this morning riding my little butt off, thinking about the rest of my day, and thinking about some of the recent discussions on U2.com, I decided that when I grow up, I want to work with Bono.

Think about it. Bono is advised by the best and brightest in the WORLD!!! Not just in Ireland, France or the US but the WORLD. How awesome would it be to be part of the "best and brightest" in the WORLD. At first it would be a little intimidating but consider the possibilities.

Additionally, Bono is a man with vision - a vision of Africa, a vision of the world without poverty, without HIV/AIDS. Some of his visions include developments in Dublin, building companies and industry in parts of Africa, interests in publishing enterprises - what I wouldn't do to be part of any of his business enterprises.

Plus, Bono is a risk taker- he's not afraid to put himself on the line - he's got guts AND integrity. And, he continually does it - personally and professionally. A little digression - my children are all risk takers - my daughter played national level soccer - she put herself on the line everytime she took the field; my son the actor put himself on the line everytime he took the stage; my youngest the musician puts himself on the line everytime he picks up that bass on the stage. People who have that confidence, the ones who are willing to take risks are the ones who push the rest of us to achieve.

Plus, I imagine that Bono demands guts and integrity, moral standards and creativity from the people who work with him. I imagine that the people who have the privilege of working with him are held to those same standards. How awesome would that be - for someone to expect (and know) that you are capable of being the best and brightest?!?!! Consider the possibilities?

He's smart, surrounds himself with smart people and people he loves and trusts. How could I not want to work with this man? I know that the efforts I am involved in where Bono has had an influence are dynamic and continuing to grow - and that knowledge reminds me of what I am involved in - the potential magnitude for eliminating extreme poverty, for fair trade, for debt relief, for eradication of HIV/AIDS, TB and malaria. Now, consider the possibilities!

Yeah, so when I grow up, I need to turn in my application.

Nancy

Interesting Quote

Sir Winston Churchill: "To each there comes in their lifetime a special moment when they are figuratively tapped on the shoulder and offered the chance to do a very special thing, unique to them and fitted to their talents. What a tragedy if that moment finds them unprepared or unqualified for that which could have been their finest hour."

Grammas

Since August 5, my mom has been visiting. At 75 (almost 76) she drove herself here from Montgomery, Texas (near Houston). It takes her 14 hours to drive here - she leaves at the crack of dawn and basically eats her way here. She refuses to spend money on road food so she packs this cooler - milk, cheese, granola bars...I can't even remember what she brings to eat. But, she got here late Saturday night. She comes to visit and she comes to help. Since my babies were little, she has worked her butt off helping me around the house with the laundry, meals, groceries, babies...everything. I couldn't afford a nanny but I had a gramma (my kids call her gumi). When she was younger, it was easier for her to deal with the ups and downs of babies. Now, that the kids are older, she struggles with the notion of not being "needed." I think that notion must be genetic because when I realized that my being "needed" was changing from immediately and 24/7 to meals, driving and occasionally companionship, I freaked out. She hates their schedules - they sleep later, have little or no urgency about most things and operate totally on their own schedules. I have learned to tell them when they need things from me that we either do it when it is convenient for me or we don't do it. If there are precursors to doing things and they aren't done - we don't do them.

I see changes in my Mom. Her energy is lower, her intensity is higher and she is becoming so inflexible. Worse than that, she is getting that attitude that I really dislike in some older people: I'm old so it's okay for me to be rude. She is constantly interrupting conversations, she talks when I'm reading so I can't concentrate, and she watches CNN constantly! She doesn't understand any one else's pace in life. I am patient! She gets mad at us when we don't spend the entire day talking or engaged in some "meaningful" conversation. It's funny to a certain extent because as my kids have gotten older, I have let go a whole lot more and things are so much more relaxed. Like I fix breakfast - get out the bagels, cut up some fruit - leave it on the counter for people to eat when they are ready! Mom wants to set up a whole formal breakfast! We read the Sunday papers in stages - a little here, check some e-mails, read a little more paper, go for a workout, come home read the paper a little more, drink some more coffee...drives Mom crazy!

She has very strong relationships with my kids. She calls them on their cells and keeps calling them when they don't answer. She sends letters and calls to see if they got them. Keeps them accountable for their behaviors - she gets in their faces when they do things she doesn't like, when they make grades she doesn't think are acceptable. When my daughter first went to college, my Mom was able to talk her into staying in college. I appreciate that! So many times, kids these days don't have anyone who tells them that their behavior is unacceptable. Not their parents, not their friends, not the schools, not the churches. When I was little and did something wrong, I heard about it from my Uncle Vic, my Aunt Dollly, my mom, my dad, my Uncle George...everyone had an opinion and they all told me. Yet, I grew up in a very loving extended family. However, sometimes Mom thinks that her relationships with the kids gives her the right to supercede my decisions - that pisses me off. Sometimes, it really pisses me off - she can't seem to determine anymore where her authority and rights as a grandparent end and mine as a parent begin. But, I guess it is consistent - she isn't afraid to tell me that she thinks my decisions are wrong...sometimes I wonder how I manage to make it through the day without her here to tell me what to do, what to think and when to think and do!

I love my mom and I know I will miss her when she is not here. I am glad she has had the time and has taken the initiative to be involved with my kids. Those relationships will never be forgotten no matter how goofy they might be.

Egad, I'm really putting some shite out there...do you think I needed to "release" a llittle?!?

Nancy

Babies Leaving Home

Since July 30, my entire family has been home - all five of us. My daughter spent the summer working in New Orleans and my middle son spent the summer taking Organic Chemistry in Virginia, my youngest home from rock and roll camps, beach trips, etc.

My daughter is a senior this fall at the University of Georgia and over the summer she returned to New Orleans where she first began her education at Loyola University New Orleans. Her first roommate (and roommate for life) is from Nola and when my daughter couldn't find a job in Athens (where UGA is located) her rommmate's mom suggested she come to Nola to work. Momma Michelle told my daughter that there were no people left in the city to work! So, my daughter went and went to work - waitressing in a Mexican food restaurant where she made almost $2,800 in 6 weeks. She lived with Momma Michelle and family. Momma Michelle and her family lost the bottom floor of their home during the floods of Katrina. The family lives in a trailer in their driveway while they try and rebuild their home so they can inhabit it again. Out of the 20-25 homes on their street/block only two homes have people living in them - really they are living in the driveways in trailers but it is still home. They were the lucky ones with insurance. No jobs for a while but now they are back working. The infrastructure of the city is still very sketchy. The devastation is still so obvious. The kids worked with the Loyola University student group to rebuild homes. It is extremely hot and humid and working outside is horribly difficult. Yet, some people are determined to rebuild their lives.

New Orleans is a very unusual city. For some people it means Bourbon Street and drinking to excess and "the girls gone wild" mentality. I promise I have never bared my chest to anyone after a night on the town in that City. For me, and now my daughter, Bourbon Street is the cheap, nasty part of the city. If you can walk down Bourbon Street without slipping or getting stuck on the pavement, it's either really early or a really slow night! To me, Nola is so many other things. Fabulous museums filled with southern art, fabulous art galleries with amazing naive art, voodoo houses, history, and fabulous food - barbecued oysters, redfish, muffulettas, and music, wonderful soulful, rocking music. One time when I had gone to pick my daughter up from Loyola, I took my bike and went on an early morning ride through the French Quarter. It was really early and I took a spill on Canal Street (front tire got rutted in the streetcar track) but it was one of the most fabulous rides I have ever taken. The French Quarter at 7:00 a.m. was alive with delivery people, workers sweeping off streets and store fronts...it was amazing. Such a rich culture and it has been in my soul for a very long time.

Anyway, the last two days have been spent moving my daughter into her new apartment. We worked like animals - it's hot and we lifted couches, beds, bookshelves. I even drove this ridiculous uhaul truck with only minimal air conditioning - it's 100 outside. Yesterday, I was sore and felt like I had been out drinking all night the night before - tired! It's bittersweet. She needs me more for my checkbook and American Express card than anything but I believe she appreciates me more as a person now than she ever has. But I am thrilled for her that she doesn't need me for too much anymore. She will graduate this spring and hopes to take a year off, travel the world (yes, yes) and go to law school - she wants to do some pro bono work. I am so excited for her, so excited that she is moving on into her own life. I don't have any regrets and I don't have any preconceived notions on how she should live her life. She is a fabulous, sensitive, beautiful young woman who knows her own heart and I think she is really learning how to work with her strengths and develop her weaknesses.

My middle child left the same day. He is on a fabulous road trip and experience. He and his friend from college are going to Maine to work for his friend's grandparents. They will stay and work for the grandparents until about three days before school starts, then they'll work their way back to Richmond and eventually to Salem, Virginia home of Roanoke College. I won't see my son until the 2nd week of September - he's coming home to pick up his drum set and his bike to take back to school. He assures me he will be coming home for Thanksgiving - I hope he doesn't get a better offer. He left Tuesday driving to Richmond, Virginia to his friend's home ( his first big road trip alone), then the boys drove from Richmond to Rhode Island on Wednesday. Today they complete their trip to Maine. This is his first big experience away from home without parents. But, he was so ready. He is a confident mature young man and has always seemed to know himself so much better than most kids his age. He started college in the Fall of 2005 - when he left, I knew he would not come home - not really anyway! And, I was right! His college choice suits him perfectly, he has done a play, pledged a fraternity, done a radio show (where he always plays a song for his mom), made good grades, decided to go to veterinary school, where he wants to go to study abroad. He has great friends and even when he went to school and didn't know a soul, he managed to find friends who are so much like him. He keeps his friends close - even the high school buddies. I have always been amazed at his ability to connect with people, his knack to find people who are so similar to him.

I have one more son at home - I'm glad he is still here. He's a musician and I worry so much about the path he is choosing - it's a tough environment out there as a musician. I know he wants to be successful and make great music - it is his passion. I worry about the drugs, the lack of longevity in some of the most incredibly talented people. I am always talking to him about how important it is to stay grounded, to surround yourself with the people you love and trust - family and good friends. He's 16 - still a ways off from touring the world. I hope I have been able to influence him enough with the emphasis in our lives on family and friends and faith, I hope he sees the value of those relationships and I hope he keeps them dear. It is one of the reasons I believe that U2 has been as successful as they are (without taking into consideration the fabulous music) - they keep their hands close to them, surrounded by lifelong friends and family and a strong faith. It doesn't get much stronger than that.

It's an absolutely remarkable feeling to see your kids grow into themselves. To see them learn to follow their passions and to believe in themselves. The most amazing thing in the world is when you see your kids becoming their own people - who they should be for themselves, as citizens of the world. I'm proud of them, the people they are becoming. Yes, there are times and there will be times when I really miss their daily presence in my life. I guess that pain will get easier as we move along.

Nancy

Hot August

So, with Bono and the boys in my ear I set out on my walk this morning. At 6:45 a.m. it was already steamy outside - around 79 and humid!!! I really missed the beach this morning - there wasn't even a breeze. My goal was 5 miles - I did it. But, I am sure it was because of the wonderful music in my ears...like getting to that really big damn hill and hitting Elevation on the MP3 player. Oh yeah!!!

Do you ever have that really excited feeling and can't quite put it into words or know what it is? It's almost like anxiety but it feels good instead of worried. I have that feeling today. So, my first thoughts are cool, something neat is happening, something good is coming. Then, my very next thought is whoa, something bad is probably going to happen and I've jinxed that something good is going to happen. I was talking to my 19 year old son today and trying to explain that to him - he told me he thought it would be really hard to be me with all that weird stuff going on in my head. I told him he was so right. I guess once you are a parent and you get those feelings that you're not really sure of, kind of like a 6th sense that something's going on, you almost automatically go to worried! Weird, huh!!!

Yesterday I went to the bookstore, picked up the new Rolling Stone magazine, the new Economist AND a new music mag called Paste, and the War CD. Got home, the youngest son took Rolling Stone (article on Led Zeppelin and sex), the older son took Paste and my daughter took the Economist. That left me with the War CD - I was so excited. Since I am still so new to U2 I have so much music to discover and absorb. It's such a great thing. Maybe that's the great thing that is going to happen to me today - I finally got to listen to the whole CD!!! What I don't understand though is why they don't put all the lyrics in the liner notes - I'm so hungry for the words and they aren't all there. It is such a drag!!!

Anyway, I am up to bike early in the morning, then to work for a few hours. I'll probably have to come and take a nap (at least a little nap). My husband has been traveling all week and will be home late tomorrow night - I'll be waiting!!! Hopefully the wine bottle won't be empty.

It was a great day!

nbb

Home Training Notes

Bear with me - I am determined to do this half marathon/triathlon stuff - hope that writing down and keeping notes on my training will help me stay focused!

7/31/06 - Spin Class
8/1/06 - Nothing (Heifer meeting)
8/2/06 - Spin Class
8/3/06 - Walked - 5 miles. Hot, muggy, hilly (I really miss the beach!)
8/4/06 - 6:00 am spin class with Lorna - she is good!
8/5/06 - Day off
8/6/06 - Elliptical for 45 minutes
8/7/06 - Walked 5 miles (5:45-7:30) - Could I be any slower???
8/8 and 8/9 - No exercise but worked like a dog on moving daughter
8/10/06 - Spin class
8/11/06 - spin Class with Lorna - kicked my butt again
8/12/06 - Walk, elipse
8/13/06 - Day off
8/14/06 - Work - day off workouts
8/15/06 - Elipse
8/16/06 - Bike
8/17/06 - day off (too many days off lately!)
8/18/06 - Spin Class (Lorna - she said it was easy - ha, ha)
8/19/06 - Spin class (Chris - these youngsters are killing me), yoga (wow!)

Training Diary - OBX Workouts

7/24 - Biked 10 miles at beach
7/25 - Walked 6 miles on beach
7/26 - Biked 20 miles (fell off bike!)
7/27 - Off (rented jeeps to go see wild horses of Currituck Island?)
7/28 - Biked 10 miles, walked 7 (huh?)
7/29 - Walked 2.5 miles (even got my hubby to go with me!)

Triathlon/Half Marathon Training

Let's see - my daughter, in her infinite 20 year old wisdom decided to start smoking. My youngest told her he would do a triathlon with her if she would stop smoking! So, in my infinite 51 year old wisdom, I said, you know that would be a blast! So, I have decided to join in on the triathlon! Our goal triathlon date is sometime this winter. The funny thing is that I don't run!!!!!! So, I started training the week we were at OBX - walked and biked. The swimming thing will come as soon as I find time to get in the swimming pool.

In the meantime, there is a half marathon that occurs in Atlanta in November, around Thanksgiving - maybe it won't be so freaking hot then! So, I have decided to set that as my first goal - now how to go about that!? I decided that I would spend the month of August walking - I've been home from the beach for two days and haven't walked yet! Great start, huh. There is just something about getting out at 6:30 in the morning at the beach and going for a walk - no cars, very few people - I don't use music, I just enjoy the morning sounds of the beach. However, I hate walking at home - even early there are so many damn cars and people...constant noise. Maybe I need to use my headphones - as my daughter says a "little Bono in her ear and she's a happy girl."

So, I'm back to square one but at least I did bike on Monday and I am biking today - maybe I will swim this afternoon...

Wish me luck.

Hearts and Minds from U2.com

Wow, this is an amazing thread. I am responding to the first post because I am really not that well versed in Tolstoy or some of the others you are discussing. However, you have really piqued my curiosity and I expect to be adding some interesting books and authors to my reading list.

I grew up in a religious "mutt" family. My uncle took us to Catholic church - Roman Catholic, in latin and he told us when to stand, when to sit and when to kneel. I always like the ritual of the Catholic church. My aunt was a Southern Baptist and she took us to church with her. It was very intense - I usually left in tears. The other parts of my Mom's family were Presbyterian and my Dad's side of the family were Methodist. We had/have Jewish friends so I have also attended temple occasionally. As an adult, I have done some reading about Buddhism, Daoism and Islam - and I find them to be filled with beautiful thoughts on the world around us, before us and after us. I have had a very interesting religious education.

I guess because I was exposed to so many different thoughts over the years, it has led me to be extremely tolerant of other people's religious beliefs and methods of worship. So, while I can't say it was one group in particular that influenced me, I can say I was definitely influenced by some great religious thinkers. But it has given me a very diverse perspective to draw from.

From where I sit, it seems that religion has always been used to soothe our fears - from where do we come from (not literally, ha) to where do we go after we leave this earth - to explain the unexplainable. I think sometimes we need that kind of reassurance. For me personally, I find immense satisfaction in the simple things around me - my family, my friends, my health - in this life. I am not too worried about later! My faith is in the sunrise every day, the sunset at night, the pine trees that smell so great outside my home, the sounds of my children laughing...you get where I'm going with this.

Perhaps it is those very simple things that lead me to be so emotionally and physically disturbed when I look at the world outside of where I am. I think it is one of the reasons that I choose to be involved and why I am so determined to make a difference - so that others may be able, not to live my life, but to live life a little easier - not being hungry or sick.

I remember thinking that the rituals and traditions of Judaism and Catholicism were very neat. Then, after I married a Catholic, I realized that he didn't really feel the rituals...they were memorized. That kind of disturbed me and I realized that many of my Catholic friends were Catholic because that's how they were brought up, not because they had "chosen" to be Catholic. That kind of concerned me, but then I realized that that was the "structure" of my husband's faith. It was they way he believed. Please, know that I am not bashing anyone...not my nature, just an observation on my part.

It was in church that I became heavily involved with music. Before, I had played cello and piano but with the advent of youth religious musicals I found my voice and a guitar. I still remember the first time I played in front of a group - how completely mortified I was. Music has always played such a large role in my life and now here I am again, being influenced tremendously by music.

I am a new U2 fan - bought Joshua Tree in vinyl and then got too buy to even know what U2 was doing. The next thing I know, I'm taking my daughter to a U2 concert (2002) because I had heard that they were a good show and I was worried that I would miss seeing them since they were almost as old as I am and might stop touring soon, or worse, continue touring and suck! I walked away from the Elevation concert in Atlanta with my mind reeling. I had never heard or seen such a show - musically or politically. In a way, honestly, I was irritated. I mean, I tend to like my rock and roll rather mindless. But, U2 got me thinking - reopened my mind to a lot of things in the world I had avoided. I ended up returning to college to study international affairs and developing countries. Bono's lyrics, his activism and U2's music have caused me to think a lot. My life has been shaken up and I have been rocked out of my complacency. It used to be fairly easy to ignore the rest of the world - I had become so wound up in my own little territory of children, carpools, etc that I was convinced that I didn't have time for or need to be attendant to anything else. Yet, now I am looking around me trying to decide where I can make my contribution and where I may be able to have the most impact on those who aren't so lucky.

I agree - avoidance is necessary but all things must be dealt with at some level. It just seems like very few people are willing to take the time to think through things anymore. We are all looking for a quick fix to our issues - and we are all "bandaided" up. Personal responsibility is gone for many. We live in a society where keeping up with the Joneses is what its all about not evaluating your own standards and morals. Where I live, when kids turn 16 they expect a new car. My husband and I both get a huge kick out of that one - my hubby says he had never driven a car in the decade it was built until we got married and bought our first car together!

I grew up in the south - children were seen and not heard, girls were sweet and pretty, but boys were allowed to be boys, you never discussed religion or politics and you never wrote anything you didn't want someone else to have access to.

I laugh because I have children who frequently and openly discuss religion and politics, my daughter has always been a very outspoken young woman, my boys were held to the same standards of behavior that did not allow that mindless "boys will be boys" type of mentality. They were encouraged to be respectful of all people, to not fight with their fists but to learn to use words to express frustration and anger. When they did something inappropriate, you could see it in their faces - they never really needed to tell me. My children are more creative with words and music than I have ever been or could be - they all keep these wonderful journals and the insights I have gained from their allowing my access to them is unbelievable.

My responses to some posts on U2.com regarding who has influences in your life.

Little Pleasures

Thinking about some of my "little pleasures" in life:

Southern nights - the sounds, smells of pine and cypress, lightning bugs, the way the air envelopes you - as Neil Young says - "Let's go out and feel the night."

Lying in bed early in the morning listening to the birds, the sounds of others sleeping in the house. Collecting my thoughts for the day.

When the alarm radio goes off in the morning - getting to lie there listening to music.

Taking time to breathe - deep down into my belly, feeling the breath move through my body and energize me.

My husband in the morning - particularly when there's no rush to start the day.

Great friends.

Great wine and great food.

This life and the weird chance that it is real!

My kids for their wonderful diversity and fabulous minds.

Music that gets me deep in my soul and moves me, that makes me want to dance, that speaks to me like nothing else. The musicians who write those lyrics that move me and create those rhythms that make me want to dance.

A hot, hard sweaty workout that leaves my heart pounding and me drenched! The feeling that I get when I am finished is one of the greatest little pleasures. Getting the giggles today in bike class at the notion of being "kissed all over" (the song the instructor was playing while we were doing this monumental climb) while being really hot and sweaty. Pleasure at not falling off the bike while I am giggling!

Just thinking.

New to Blogging

In case you haven't been able to tell, I am new to blogging. Last night, as I was lying in bed sorting out the day, I was thinking about blogging! I was raised to believe that you should never write anything you didn't want anyone else to have access to. As a result, I have never been comfortable with a diary or journaling. I always worried that someone would have access to my thoughts and feelings and that that wasn't okay. One time when I was in high school, my boyfriend would write me letters that were "suggestive." My mom found one of them, of course she read it and, that confirmed for me that I didn't want anything to do with putting my true feelings out there, especially in writing!

I'm not terribly creative - no poetry or "creative" writing. My blogs will be oriented to getting my head around all the thoughts in my head...redundant, yes? But, I am hoping to sort a lot of things out. Please feel free to post comments - just be gentle and constructive.

Thoughts for the day: Maturity,college and what am I going to do with the rest of my life!

At my age (entering the 50's), I should be thinking about retiring, downsizing the house, picking out a place to finish out my life. But, that is so dissatisfying to think about. For the last 25 years I have been a wife. For the last 21 years I have also been a full time parent of three. A very full time job and, for about 90% of the time, very satisfying! However, as I sent my first child off to college three years ago, it dawned on me that I was beginning to get into that age where I was moving from being "in demand constantly" to being "available as needed." A scary thought! For some reason, that really made me think about what I was doing with my life. I went back to college to study International Affairs - my emphasis is domestic and international service.

Going back to college has been a fabulous experience. I love going to class, I love interacting and learning. It is such a different experience than when I first went off to college at the ripe old age of 17. (All I wanted to do then was have a whole lot of fun.) The professors are interesting, my classmates (other than being a lot younger) are bright and passionate. But, going back to college has unleashed a fury within me. For such a long time I chose to ignore the world around me - I was so busy with three babies - it was really convenient for me to just read the comics in the Sunday morning paper and completely ignore the "world" section.

This fury within me is very hard to keep quiet. My biggest issue: that I chose to remain closed to the rest of the world while keeping my own little space as tidy as possible. I don't mean tidy in the sense of clean - I mean tidy in that I didn't deal with anything I didn't want to. When I had children, I allowed myself to shut down to the world around me. I was so focused and so serious about the task at hand - keeping the little ones safe from the world, trying to teach them to make responsible decisions. Not too bad of a decision but one that took me away. I was a child of the 60's and 70's - too young to really be involved with the protests but so very aware of what was happening around me. Yet, as I aged, I ignored that passion I had always felt.

Now, I feel like I need to make up for that. I find myself reading books and books - the troubles in Ireland (not a new issue, I know), Sarajevo, Somalia, Rwanda - searching for more and more information, trying to feed the fire and quell the fire at the same time. And what I find is that my response is so physical and emotional. When my Developing Countries class watched the Ghosts of Rwanda - I was physically and emotionally devastated for about two days. It took me that long to push the pictures back and gain some perspective (possible?) on what happened. I had the same reaction to The Age of Aids special on PBS. However, it has helped me decide which direction I want to go in the future. Such a satisfying thought - I have finally decided what I want to do when I grow up. What I have decided is that I, as one person in the world, can make a huge difference in the world. I want to be involved with initiatives to help people in developing countries - raising awareness on poverty, HIV/AIDS, education and, more importantly, economic development projects for women. I want to be involved in projects that teach people how to support themselves - projects that provide employment and economic development for communities at local and regional levels in developing countries. I want to make a difference!

Enough rambling for now. I need to go make pancakes for the youngest of my tribe!

nbb4740

Yesterday I met with my advisor. Yes, I am a college student - and, a very non-traditional one at that. It was such a frustrating meeting. My advisor thinks that no matter what, I need to go to summer school. I told her, numerous times, I couldn't go to summer school this summer...my husband wants me to travel some with him, my youngest son is playing in 4 or 5 rock and roll bands, we have several family commitments and vacations...she just didn't get it! I guess she is just used to dealing with traditional college students (I don't mean that in a bad way) but when you're The Mom and The Wife, you have other things that require your attention! I don't think she realizes how bright, capable and well read I am (a little personal "boat floating"). I don't think she realizes any where near the depth of my passion and knowledge about the issues I choose to be involved in. I am inquisitive and unsatisfied with the "status quo" and so willing to use my time, energy and brain power to effect change.

Then, as she pulled a note pad out of her desk with the logo of the prestigious place I would like to do my internship on it - I told her that I wanted to do my internship there! She just looked at me, finally said something about it being "very competitive." I said that's great. She looked at me again and said "no, really competitive." I told her I had a 3.91 in my college coursework. Then, it dawned on me that maybe what she was really saying is that I'm too "OLD" to be considered for an internship at this place. I got my feelings hurt then I got pissed! Now, I'm just determined. Actually, what I am determined to do is to create my own internship. I met a professor this year who believes strongly in the notion that one person can really make a difference in the world. She is interested in economic development projects for women in developing countries and I have approached her about helping me with a project. She agreed to help and was thrilled at the prospect. I believe that things in my life happen for a reason and I am determined to not let one opportunity slip by!

Seems like my day yesterday was filled with some very thought provoking moments. Caused me to be very introspective and a little pissy! Ah, such is life! I think I will take a little time out this evening to have a glass of wine and maybe just breathe deeply!
nbb