College and Meditation

My college classes started yesterday! I'm still in shock - the workload is going to be phenomenal. I am taking 5 classes - Macroeconomics, Intermediate Spanish, History of the World Since 1945, Comparative Politics, International Law and Organization. I'm worried - really worried. I have a ton of reading, one research paper, several short papers, more reading, Spanish verbs to learn.

Today on my way home from class I had one of those moments - still reeling from trying to figure out how I am going to manage all this work - where things were so clear. I listened to myself as I tried to talk myself out of being successful - you know that negative self-talk. And, it just dawned on me that I am my worst enemy in this situation. I have fabulous professors - they are engaged with what they are teaching and they are determined to engage my mind. Could this really be the turning point (of course it always happens right before you graduate, right) in my self-actualization? So, as I'm driving home, full of self doubt, for some reason, it occurs to me that I do really want to understand the economic rhythms of our society, that I do really want to be able to speak more than one language. So, in my mind, it all of a sudden becomes so clear - I want to embrace this opportunity, to be engaged, to learn to speak Spanish - to not worry about my success - my desire, my curiosity will fuel me. The peacefulness that took over was phenomenal - I am so settled now with this decision, so excited, again. So determined.

Off on another subject: Exercise. As a mature woman, I have found that I need to work out every day. It helps control my moods, my head, my weight...all those great things that you need help with as you "grow up." To that end, I try to workout at least five or six days a week. With a new schedule at school, I am trying to figure out how to keep my workouts in my schedule. My workouts include walking, biking (I really enjoy long distance biking and spin classes), doing the elliptical trainer, lifting weights. I try to swim and I would love to be able to run. Physically speaking, my goal is to participate in a sprint triathlon - they have them for women only - shorter distances all around. If I can get my head around the run (I may have to walk most of it) I will participate in some sort of event. I have also begun a new yoga and meditation series. The yoga is for my body and head, the meditation is for my soul! Yoga is great for athletes - lengthens my muscles and relieves the stress in my body. But, the meditation class - ah, that will be the key to all my success. My instructor always talks too much on the first night of class but what he said last night will stay with me for a very long time: Meditation helps you find that place in your soul that is just for you, that beautiful place that maybe has only been touched by a sunset, a smell, a song. Like when you are listening to music and you kind of go to that unbelievable place - as a musically oriented person, there are songs that move me to that place - like Clair de Lune, The Unforgettable Fire album by U2 moves me to that beautiful place...there are others. Meditation helps you to find that place without needing the external stimulation. I have chosen to be involved in the human rights area and sometimes I am overwhelmed by the kinds of problems I see within the groups I volunteer with - HIV/AIDS, poverty, starvation, war - have sometimes completely wiped me out physically, mentally and emotionally. I feel that I need that place to go to - this is trite, but that "happy place" deep inside my soul.

So, today I have worked out some really important things. I am happy! I am satisfied!

Nancy