I'm not writing too much lately - too much school work...Some times I feel so completely overwhelmed.

But, then I have a day like today when, for some reason, it just clicks in my head. What I am reading, why I am studying...if you could see me, there are little light bulbs going off all over my head...

Parts of my family are in transition right now. They're changing rhythms! My daughter called and announced that she is scheduled to graduate on May 12, 2007 - FROM COLLEGE!!!!! How could it be that I am old enough to have a child graduate from college. I am so extremely proud of her - especially since her college experience started out on less than a good note. She's tough and she has an incredibly fabulous mind. Sometimes she just doesn't trust herself...and then there's this Italian teacher who is a perfect ass to her (never mind that she probably said some things to him she shouldn't have said but...). I hope she can keep herself focused on the few months ahead.

My husband came three weeks ago and announced that he would not be going back to his office - that he had come to an agreement with the President that he should do something different. My husband was a CEO (or something like that) in a company, attempting to do portfolio development and acquisitions,but he didn't feel this was a very good time, financially to be in that part of this business - he doesn't feel is productive. So, they parted ways - with my husband getting a phenomenal severance package...which means he could stay home for 1.5 years!!!! God help me if he does that. Anyway, it was a good decision! The interesting part, is that my hubby is in hot demand (a nice feeling) and the phone has not stopped ringing - people want him to come to work for them, people want him to consult with them/for them, people want him to come speak, to be on boards of directors. I may have mentioned here before but my husband is, without a doubt, the smartest man I have ever met. So, making another decision on what to do with the rest of his working life will be well thought out. I am lucky in that I don't have to worry that he will do something boneheaded...I mean, he will do something great. It's nice to not have to worry about where the mortgage payment is going to come from, or how we are going to pay for college for three. My attitude - my hubby has worked his entire life, made a great living, become very successful and he should do whatever he wants/needs to do.

That brings me to the weird part - like for at least the last 10 years - maybe more - I have been married to a man who travels almost three weeks out of four. Now that's been hard sometimes but the bottom line is that it has really allowed me to be my own woman. I tend to be rather independent, comfortable with myself and making my own decisions - plus when you have three children and a black lad you are never really alone and you are always so damn busy that you don't have time to really think about anything else except what needs to be done next...Now, I have a husband who is home full time. I have gone from sleeping alone about 20 nights a month to not sleeping alone at all..I feel terrible complaining about it but I don't have any private time anymore. Not that I am doing anything that really needs private time but there is no time to collect my thoughts, to think about the day, to check my U2.com, anything.

Anyway, my mom is freaking out too. Our cousin died and it just dredged up a whole lot of really sad and bad memories for my mom - when her mom died, when her brother died. She just got really upset and was trying to get involved in things she didn't need to be involved in. Resulting in her finally not going to the funeral. She was mad at our cousin's brother, our other cousin, for not coming to see his sister until almost two-three weeks after she had been hospitalized. It was so sad.

My youngest son is on the verge of taking one of his bands public. My middle child and oldest son is doing fabulously in college - fraternity, play, making A's in calculus (freaking scary) and playing the drums.

Me, I'm still just trying to keep up - I missed a submission deadline for the Geography Club constitution - can do it next month - too many papers to write and too many articles to read. Sometimes my eyes get so tired...

I was very disappointed that I was not selected to go to New York City to a book signing by U2. Not getting chosen really hurt my feelings - why, I couldn't tell you but I guess I really thought I would be selected, randomly, from about 5 million fans. I mean, really, I had even decided what flight I was going to take, what I was going to wear, where I was going to stay...really scary. So, naturally I was disappointed when I didn't get chosen. What can I say. However, the mind is a great thing - by the time I had finished reading the e-mail saying I had not been chosen, I had justified it in my mind by reminding myself that this band has huge numbers of fans, that there is really no way, realistically, that I will never, ever get to meet them one on one! Then I started the pity party - not rich enough, not famous enough, not supermodel beautiful enough, not smart enough...that made me sad. Then I got mad at myself. Mad for allowing myself to get way too involved with people I don't even know - for giving my heart away, for wearing my heart on my sleeve - for someone I don't even know. Good time for a reality check. I'm not one to camp out overnight - so I am limiting my opportunites to interact with these great guys but I'm just not the screaming, autograph seeking kind of fan.

I think I would enjoy the conversation and maybe, even the friendship. Maybe one day!

nbb