Cassie

Cassie has been sick, again. She had diarrhea over the weekend, I stopped giving her the duramaxx (the meds she takes for arthritis) and switched her back to a very gentle diet - remember the BRATY diet (bananas, rice, applesauce, toast and yogurt) that we gave our kids when they got diarrhea? Monday morning she was her great usual self - outside for a walk, breakfast. But by Monday afternoon, she couldn't walk. She had a huge limp - seemed to me like it was on her front right side. So, in order for me to get her outside I have to pick her up and carry her out. I'm kind of strong, but she's 65 pounds and not too happy to be picked up so, I'll say it's a challenge to carry her out to go to the bathroom. She was able to walk a little. But clearly was out of sorts. I called Lesley - sad meltdown. She called Joe - but he pretty much already knew because he has been here all summer and he and I have talked about Cassie's situation and how to tell when it's time. Lesley finally got Andy and they decided that they felt very very very strongly about being here if I was going to put Cassie down. So strong in fact that they had decided they wouldn't talk to me if I put her down without them being here…not a good thing (well, or maybe it could be a good thing!!! - haha).

By Tuesday morning, when I went in to get Cassie early (I have pilates early on T/TH mornings through this week) she was really out of it. I picked her up, took her out to pee and she tipped over and rolled down the hill…it was so fucking sad. I had to go right her and bring her back in - no pee. She couldn't stand up at all. I went to pilates, came home, hoping for a miracle - there was none. So I called the vet, I couldn't control myself and was crying as I was trying to talk to the lady at the vet's office. They got Cassie in right away. I picked her up again, put her in the Escape and drove her to the vet with the complete intention of putting her down. Again, the emotion of it all just had me a complete mess. I sat in the floor with Cassie, brushing her with my hands and collecting all her fur. Figured that if I did end up putting her down, then I would have lots of puppy fur to send to Lesley and Andy - maybe then they wouldn't be so upset with me. Doc comes in - we talk about Cassie - he takes her temp and she has a fever - he felt that maybe she had an infection. I asked him what he would do…we talked some more about Cassie's demeanor before Monday - she was up, she was around, going for her walks, etc. He thought we had several options - I chose the one where we treated her with an antibiotic, fluids and a shot of rimadyl for her hips. Long day yesterday - she was listless, lethargic, not peeing, not eating…I went to the store and bought ground chicken breast, cooked that and some rice. Joe handfed her some of the chicken and some mini nilla wafers (I swear there is something restorative in those mini nillas). Still no success with getting her to pee and she was still unable to walk - Joe carried her out once and then I tried again…nothing.

This morning she barked to tell me it was time to get up. I bought puppy "wee wee pads" - that's really their name - she had peed - fortunately on the wee wee pad - and was anxious to get up and go outside. She is still hobbling but I didn't have to carry her and yea, she peed outside! I'm talking to the vet right now to see what he wants me to do today. Hopefully he will give her one more antibiotic injection and one more rimadyl injection. And, vet says yes - so I have a 9:45 appointment!

Andy and Lesley are coming home this weekend to see her. I'm physically trashed - my shoulders, upper back, lower back…all incredibly sore and tight!

Joe leaves today.

cassie

Tonight I took my dog Cassie for a walk as I have done almost every day for 14 years. Well, except for the time that my daughter was home and she took over the evening dog walking chores. As I helped Cassie get up, to get all four feet under her, she knew we were going for a walk and she was excited. She moved quickly to the rug at the front door, waited patiently for me to put her leash on and then we both went out the front door. We used to go out the back door but Cassie doesn't like going down those steps any more. The front steps are a little gentler on her. As we got down the steps her back hips sort of zigged of their own accord. But she used her tail, very effectively I might add, as a rudder to right things.

It all of a sudden dawned on me that, all things said, I'm watching my dog as she is entering the last phase of her life. I thought of that book I've heard of that I always thought was very poignant but incredibly silly - the lessons you learn from your dog - you know the one about unconditional love, always ready for a walk, faithful…

I realized that my hope is that when I enter the last phase of my life that I am as full of grace and clever as she is. She barks at us when she wants attention, when she wants me to get up with her in the morning. I get irritated that it's a little too early but when I walk into her bedroom (she sleeps in the laundry room) there she is, happy, tail wagging. She struts out the front door looking, sniffing - catching all the new scents of the morning. I still get the puppy breakfast dance when we come in and she's ready for breakfast. During the day, at least once of twice, she comes to find me in my office, or the kitchen - or she starts barking because she wants to know where we are and I suspect she realizes that her barking drives us crazy and that we will come to find her to see what's going on. If she's in pain, you wouldn't know it - it doesn't make her cranky or stop her from wanting to be a part of everything - including lying right smack in the middle of the kitchen floor during dinner preparations so that, without a doubt you have to acknowledge her presence as you try not to step on her. If she's in pain, she's not willing to miss out on our walks. If she's in pain it doesn't show when she wants to greet everyone that walks in our home with a sniff and a tail wag - sometimes a bark.

Tonight as we walked, she sniffed, I admired the amazing fireflies and one of those Georgia nights that you can feel smell. Our walk was slow. We met a friend, chatted for a while - Cassie laid down and waited patiently for us to be finished with our conversation then we returned home. Walking slowly, Cassie sniffing all the great spots on the way home using her tail as her rudder.

I hope I am half as pleasant as my Cassie. I hope that I have the grace my dog has when it's my turn.

Breaking Down

I think my body is breaking down, slowly…First my left hip (already almost 6 years ago), then my knees got sore from too much biking, then left shoulder from overrotating from down dog to plank, then my right foot started hurting from too much tennis and too much walking, which developed in to a bone spur, plantar fascitis and tendonitis, now my right shoulder has decided to go to hell in a hand basket!

I promised myself that I would not think of these injuries in terms of age. I am 55.5 (that's pretty good) but I don't want to get into the habit of thinking "well now that I'm that age." I accept that eventual deterioration is inevitable. There's no way that my body can do today what I did 25 years ago (even though 25 years ago I wasn't doing much exercise but having way fun). I'm convinced that age is 99% mental. But why is it that the 1% left over is the part that is such a problem. I've decided to address the physical with a little more physical and a lot of mental (is that possible).

So my program involves pilates three times a week - that's two mat classes and one reformer class (which I start tomorrow night). Svaroopa yoga at least twice a week - svaroopa is a yoga that is propped on blankets, pillows and involves release starting from the sacrum up through the spine, but includes hips, neck, shoulders. And apparently my shoulders need a whole boat load of release. I am also doing deep water aerobics through the summer - that's twice a week. And, just for the heck of it, I'm spinning at least once a week, doing some other cardio activity once a week and playing tennis at least once a week.

Back to Mango Tree Foundation fundraiser work!

Working Out

Today I went to an 8 a.m. spin class. It's now 6:03 p.m. and I'm exhausted! The usual instructor wasn't there but the sub instructor was very good. I keep trying to figure out how much longer, how many more spin classes, I will have to go to before I am completely whipped on the days I spin.

Tomorrow is "pilates for hotties" and yoga and Mango Tree Foundation kinds of things! I am still trying to get some silent auction donations. People don't seem to want to give but they seem to be missing the point - you give something cool, people start talking, people come to see you and spend money at your business. At least that's what I think the deal is. Maybe it's just me.

Ha, how many times have I said that - maybe it's just me!

Sunday

I made paella last night - didn't really think it was awesome. Rice didn't get a crust, shrimp were overcooked, almost bland. I just wasn't too excited about it. It looked beautiful and I really like my new paella dish. Bought it yesterday at Crate and Barrel along with Bomba rice. The bomba rice was kind of expensive and I'm not sure it was really worth the price - is it that different from arborio rice? I guess I need to keep working on a paella recipe that I really like.

Tennis match yesterday. Tim struggled in the first set - sore wrist, sore knee. We played like rock stars in the 2nd set. I had one entire game that I missed all my volleys - like badly - and, it was pretty weird.

Today I am tired - I wonder how many times I have said that in the last year. My left hip hurts, my knees are a little sore, my feet are tired. After tennis ran errands, came home cooked - finally ate about 8:30 last night! Too late, too much work and not that good…interesting.

Yoga this afternoon, CAN later this afternoon.