Catching Up

Tim and Joe are both out of town this morning, we are having snow flurries so its cold, I'm waiting to buy Van Morrison tickets at 10 this morning so I have a little time to "catch up" because things have been pretty interesting.

Tim's father passed away last week; on Sunday, March 14, 2010. He was 86 years old. We knew it was coming, had been expecting it anticipating it but when the call came in at 3:45 a.m. (or 4:45 a.m. if you had reset your clocks appropriately) we had mixed emotions. We were happy it wasn't a call that something had happened to one of our kids but we were so sad that Tim's dad was gone. He was a good man. We've lived away for almost 15 years so our visits were limited. At the end, Tim was able to get up to see him at least once a month. It was weird about two weeks ago we were getting phone calls and emails that Bill was really declining. We decided to go see him. Booked our flights, and the week we were leaving, Tim's last living uncle passed away. Bill had wanted to live longer than his brother! We had a great visit with Bill, he was in a good mood, he was alert, we played cards (yes, I even played cards and not too badly!), talked - he got to attend his brother's wake (almost a dry run for his own wake), we took him sausage and biscuits from Hardee's (?) to him on Monday right before we left. During the next week he began a final decline which ended on March 14.

We were able to get the kids, after some serious haggling with Delta, to the funeral. Tim and I left on Wednesday, flew to Minneapolis, picked up a car and drove to Winona. We spent the evening with our friends Kris and George, had a wonderful meal and wonderful conversation. We picked up Andy on Thursday morning and drove up to Minneapolis. Joe and Lesley arrived around 1ish, shared a rental car and drove out to the funeral home for the wake. Tim and I are unbelievably lucky in that we have some amazing friends who chose to come and pay their respects to Tim and his family. It was very touching. Mike conducted the funeral service and he did an excellent job. It had to be challenging for him but I can't imagine someone better than him for the job.

Being with the kids, all of us together, was a little bittersweet. My kids are amazing! They are intelligent, passionate, beautiful/handsome people. I enjoy their senses of humor, their ability to conduct a conversation and meet complete strangers. Their strength is so amazing! But watching their faces as they faced the death of their grandfather was sad. I don't know all of what they were thinking but I know they were somewhere deep in their heads about this loss. Lesley managed to put a copy of Madeleine in the casket with her grandfather (after we loosened his tie and Greg put in a deck of cards). Then Lesley had to go to the airport, Andy and Joe went together for a cigar, Tim took a nap and I read my book...

Joe is in Philadelphia - ended up getting in really late last night - for an interview with the Temple University School of Podiatry. He was in New York City last week for an interview with the New York College of Podiatry.

I'm leaving for New York on Thursday with my niece for her 10 year old birthday trip. I've got a little shopping to do before I get away.

And, then there are the Van Morrison tickets - May 7. Can't wait!

Irritated

I am on a bit of a tear today. I am so frustrated.

I'm a volunteer. For some dumb reason, I have believed that the donation of my time is incredibly valuable to an organization. Apparently that's not the right way to think of it. And, I'm finding something different. I find that most organizations tend to be very self-centric - or donor centric. If you donate money to a organization, or I should say if you donate a sizable amount of money to an organization, they treat you like royalty. Donate 20 hours a week of your time and you are barely recognizable and completely disposable. It's not that I think I'm invaluable but I do believe I am valuable. I am the face of your organization in the world. As a volunteer, I pay my own way - meals, airfare, gas, cabs, hotels. I am expected then to bring some friends along and they too are expected to pay their own way. I volunteer to work whenever you need me - sometimes putting in some pretty long days and doing some pretty physical things (moving tables, etc). I frequently rearrange my schedule to accommodate last minute requests for meetings, etc. I don't ask for anything because I am committed to the cause. I don't ask for recognition but I do want to be recognized and respected. Sometimes it would be nice to be treated like I was an important financial donor. Maybe given a VIP opportunity.

Maybe I really need to rethink all this. Maybe I am not being honest with myself and with others about what it is that I want from volunteering. One of the things that is really important to me is that when I volunteer I am getting to spend time with people who think like I do. It's nice to feel like you have a place where you belong. Last year, I attended a couple of conferences for women that I paid for. I didn't belong in those groups - their focus was so different than mine. That was frustrating. So when I volunteer one of the things I enjoy is the time with friends - people I have come to know and trust and people whose company I really enjoy. All very important to me. Maybe volunteering is just a social opportunity - but I don't really think so.

I need to think about this. Obviously.

I did sent out the first Mango Tree Foundation newsletter - we misspelled Colombia on the first line!!!!!!!! I think it's because someone else typed the first draft and I didn't think at all about checking the spelling - I knew what I had written was correct. Even funnier that all the Mango Tree partners looked over the email!

Going to see Half the Sky Live tonight. Should be fun.

Snow

It's snowing in Atlanta for the 2nd time this year. Its so beautiful but it makes me so miserable. I don't hate snow, I just hate the weather that comes along with it. Wind, freezing temperatures. Plus, its March 2 here...no snow in March. This just reminds me of how depressed I would get when we lived in Minnesota and it would snow 6 feet in mid-March. Or how when it was Easter there was sometimes snow...contrary to all I grew up with in Texas, that's for sure.

This has been one long nasty winter. Perhaps I have just re-adjusted to the wonderful balmy weather of the south. Perhaps as I get older (I know I promised not to use that phrase or word) I just can't tolerate it too well.

I was in Bogota February 16-19. Very productive trip. Working with a new partner - INPlazados. They are a wonderful organization of young Bogotanos who are completely committed to working with Yo Mujer and to helping solve some of the issues of the desplazados. It's so awesome. I'm so excited. Trying to write about that trip as well...check out the Mango Tree Foundation website - www.mangotreefoundation.org. Maybe sometime soon I will be able to put something on that website. If you're a MTF fan, look for a newsletter, soon.

My dog has gone absolutely crazy these days. She is getting older - her ears and eyes are not so good. Her hips work because she has good puppy drugs. Every morning she has decided it is her responsibility to wake us up. By 730 she is in full tilt barking mode. And, she won't stop until we get up and come get her. Sometimes there are puppy surprises in her room, sometimes there aren't. I take her out, every day, just like I always have and it seems like she is forgetting what she is supposed to be doing!!! She will walk in the house after a nice walk and leave little puppy surprises all the way down the hall. Fortunately, it's manageable. Helps that we don't have carpet anymore downstairs. That way, it's just a wipe and a spray of some kind of cleanser. While I do think her quality of life may be slipping, she seems so happy.

I am doing some serious thinking about the food we eat around here. Both Tim and I have put on some weight. Part of it is our lifestyles are so centered around working and being on the computer. Part of it is that we have been trading injuries lately. His back, my foot, his back, my shoulder, his shoulder, my back. It seems to be nonstop. I have really been out of things since early January - my foot was such a mess. Knock on wood, but I think the worst is over. I went to physical therapy with an amazing therapist(Karen Davis Warren), increasing massages (from one every six months to one a month!), got orthotics, got new orthopedic (Darren Newfield), got new shoes and basically quit doing anything "ballistic." And anything "ballistic" includes walking, tennis...all those things that I enjoy doing. So, I have gone back to the gym - lifting weights, cycling, yoga...hopefully figuring this out. I did get to play tennis last night - for an hour only. It felt good - I didn't do a lot of running...but it was nice to hit the ball.

Okay, so I got a little distracted...there's been a lot of talk lately about the quality of the food we eat, we, not just me and my family but the world. A very good friend of mine has been posting on Facebook Michael Pollan's "Food Rules." They are so sensible, and are a great way to try to change or diets. I get frustrated with the "organic" rules...how are we sure that what we're buying is really organic an that it's not just a marketing ploy. I feel like so much of what we hear in the news, read in the paper, etc is just marketing. I have gone back to reread a book I first read when I was 18 and the doctor first detected an irregular heart rhythm..."Diet for a Small Planet." It's an interesting read - plant based diets. Then I went to Borders to investigate some current literature..."The Omnivore's Dilemma," "Animal Vegetable Miracle" - both managed to find their way into my hands and up to the checkout counter. While I havent had the chance to read them yet, it's just a matter of time. (In fact, I expect to get a lot of reading done over the next month because I will be traveling some - planes are a great place to read.) If you're looking for some interesting reading, I suggest you check out Michael Pollan, Barbara Kingsolver and Frances Moore Lappe. I don't think you will be disappointed. Plus, the big movie for foodies these days is "Food, Inc." I'm nervous about watching that - not really sure I want to know how my food comes about but I'm certain that I must watch because I need to know how my food comes about. Anyway, food for thought!

Haha - winter storm warning in Atlanta - 1-5" of snow. Crazy, so crazy.

January 1, 2010

Today is New Years Day - January 1, 2010. I am snuggled up by the fire, wrapped up in a beautiful peacock pashmina that Lesley gave me for Christmas and trying to make heads and tails of the new technology I received for Christmas!

I made my New Year's resolutions on my birthday so I do not have to worry about it today! Resolutions always seem to be the same - focus on physical health, mental health and emotional health. But, as always, unfortunately, I have a lot to work on! Ha, ha!

Physically speaking, I am having some issues - intense pain in my right foot. I went to the orthopedist (saw the PA) and she told me I have plantar fascitis. Prescription: Take aleve, get some heel cookies (which no one knew what they were) and use my boot to sleep in. Oh yeah, rest it! Rest isn't an option, heel cookies don't exist, the boot is great to sleep in if I am not having hot flashes and aleve, well aleve is troublesome on a daily basis. I have decided to wear the boot all the time when I am at home and I guess when I am sleeping. The pain is intense and it is starting to affect my mental attitude.

Went to a friend's home for dinner and New Year's celebration last night. It was a lot of fun. This morning we went to another friend's home for the third annual "hangover brunch." That too was a lot of fun. We have some good friends in our neighborhood and have been having a lot of fun with them.

Holidays were crazy. I felt like I was soooooo busy from the week before Thanksgiving through, well, today! I went to Texas before Thanksgiving to drive with mom back here and to see Dad...Dad and I got to have lunch together - I had hoped to go up to the country but he had just come home from there after meeting Lowry, et al. Funny thing - the weekend after I was in town he went back to the country! Mom and I drove back to Atlanta on the Sunday before Thanksgiving. She stayed through November 30...that makes 13 days with my Mom. We spent the week cooking, cleaning, cooking, cleaning and running errands. We drove back on November 30 and I spent two more days in Texas then flew home.

Started to deholiday the house yesterday...only have to finish taking the tree down. It's the last year for this tree - we have had it since we moved to Arizona in 1995. The top was falling apart. And, the thing just smelled musty.

Just got back from taking Andy to the airport. He is flying back to Minneapolis today. Sad to see him go. I am crossing my fingers for him this semester. Kid is really smart but doesn't have the grades to back it up...good thoughts. I know he can do it.

Colombia

Real quick post...

Returned Monday from a 6 day trip to Bogota. Traveled with Lynn, Mark and Baby Claire Patterson and Betsey Hance. Worked with Uniminuto, met with Dona Teresa from Yo Mujer, meeting with Nestle, trip over the mountains to Montenegro, Colombia and the National Coffee Park. Of course, it was way much more than that but, I need to quit goofing off and write a blog for the MTF blog! Great staff at Uniminuto - they work so hard to work with us and to help us out - arranging meetings, traveling with us to our meetings, making sure we are okay - eating, sleeping...It's awesome to be so well cared for!

Pattersons leave next week and, I'm excited for them and sad for me! I will miss them a bunch! But, I suppose I will get on with things. We are meeting very briefly tomorrow to talk about what needs to be done now...I need to go back to Bogota and get this project moving. But, I've got to get some more information from Uniminuto. But the first thing I've got to figure out is how to bridge the communication gap!!!!!

Maddening when you have so much to say but lacking a little creativity to write it.

check out the MTF web site: www.mangotreefoundation.org.

Unique Opportunities

As I walked this morning, with my Ipod in my hand and great music playing in my ears, I had some interesting thoughts.

Our lives are so simple. Think about it. Take my morning for example...I got up early, made coffee, kissed my hubby good-bye, took the dog out, glanced at the paper and went for a 3 mile walk, came home to a very nice, comfortable, air conditioned home and got a big drink of clean water straight from the faucet. I'll take a nice warm shower in a few minutes. Later today I will jump in my 2008 Ford Escape Hybrid and make a run to the grocery store for some last minute supplies for the kids at home and get gas in the car so the kids can use my car if they need to while I am gone. My daughter is going to drop me at the train station at 1 so I can take a train down to the airport to hop on a flight to Bogota. I'm busy but I really don't have to put a whole lot of effort into my daily life.

My life is easy because my basic needs are met daily. I have a place to live, food for my family, clean water to drink, to bathe in. My kids go to school (even though at the collegiate level it doesn't seem like they are in school nearly enough). I don't have to spend the majority of my day walking for water, wondering if my family will be able to eat. Instead I can think about taking a nice long walk, listening to music, updating the blog...Yeah, things are pretty simple here.

Think though if I lived in a different area of the world. Would my life be this simple? You already know the answer...probably not!

I'm not trying to lay a guilt trip on anyone. Guilt isn't the point anymore. A few years ago, I had an amazing shift in my thinking. I was able to move away from the belief that I had an obligation to give out of guilt; that because we had some success in our lives I should feel guilty. Yes, there is some ease and success in my daily life, we've worked hard. But the transformation in my mind has been that I should embrace that success, not feel guilty about it; but realize that because of that success I have a very unique opportunity to participate in the world around me. I have the chance to make a difference!

We leave for Bogota today! We will be working on finalizing plans for the rooftop vegetable garden, securing a facility to use for the laying hens, making arrangements for purchasing hens, working out a deal for feed and discussing options for setting up a micro-finance opportunity for Yo Mujer. Lynn will also be finishing up the details for the virtual class that is going to be taking place in the Spring between students at Kennesaw State University and students at Uniminuto. Such a unique experience to be able to utilize technology to bridge communication gaps and distance for college students to discuss theories of social change and to begin to implement change in their own communities. The future starts today!

I have had success in bringing the Nestle corporation, in Bogota it is Nestle Colombia, in to talk and hopefully work with Dona Teresa and the women of Yo Mujer. We are arranging a meeting with their representative in Bogota. We will also be meeting with a representative from Avicola Colombiana to discuss laying hens.

None of this would be happening without the support of our friends and families. Your generosity at the Chicks for Chicks event was amazing. We are taking that money and your commitment to this project with us today.

It will be an extremely busy trip! There will be meetings (in Spanish of course) but also the opportunity to reconnect with new friends in Bogota who share our very strong commitment to social justice. We will have a translator with us but meetings in Spanish are still so challenging for me - listening in Spanish, translating to English, trying to remember Spanish words so I can actually respond in Spanish..my brain is so tired at the end of the day!

But I am so excited about the possibility for success, and am determined to make a difference in the daily lives of these women.

Stay tuned. If I can get back online (remember my passwords, etc) I will try to update the blog from Bogota.

What Blog?

Sir Winston Churchill: "To each there comes in their lifetime a special moment when they are figuratively tapped on the shoulder and offered the chance to do a very special thing, unique to them and fitted to their talents. What a tragedy if that moment finds them unprepared or unqualified for that which could have been their finest hour."

I was just going through some of my old blogs and found the above! Too funny and very appropriate.

Road Trips and New Year

I have just returned from a five day road trip to take young Andrew back to college in Minnesota! Tim, Andy and I left on Saturday, January 3. First day we drove 9 hours to Champaign, IL; second day we drove the remaining 8 hours to Winona; third day we got Andy settled and drove from Winona to Minneapolis (normally a 2.5 hour trip that ended up taking us about 5.5 hours with a detour to Belle Plaine to the Coman's for assistance); fourth day I dropped Tim off at the Marriott at the airport in Minneapolis and drove 9 hours to Effingham, IL; fifth day I drove the remaining 8 hours to Roswell.

This road trip included snow, ice, rain, sleet, shitty roads, broken windshield wiper squirters and way too many hours in the car. My butt is the size of the state of Texas and has been molded into the shape of the car seat! I love road trips but can I tell you how much I absolutely, absolutely hate driving on bad roads covered with ice, snow while not being able to see the road...The issue with the windshield squirters was a burned out fuse. Steve and Tim exchanged the fuse that was supposed to operate the Onstar feature and plugged it into the windshield wiper squirter thingy.

It was great to take Andy back to sschool and get him settled. We did the Target run, bought books, paid tuition and visited Mike Charron, Phil Cochran and BJ. I think Andy likes college - I know he likes being away from home. I don't blame him, I guess. Perhaps I have chased him away with the rules and expectations for behavior. I know it's tough to come home from college and have to follow rules where you haven't had too many rules...but, I don't think it's right for the kids to come home and think they can do things here that they do in college. I love my kids and I love for them to be home, but I still get up early in the morning and I work, Tim works, it's important for the kids to understand those things. Now, I guess they are really guests in the house - all things considered.

Christmas was weird but good. I didn't feel joyful or too much pleasure in the process of Christmas. I pulled out very few decorations, only got the tree up the Sunday before Christmas. There were presents, just not a lot. I don't know - every year I get so frustrated with Tim and Mom because they are so negative about Christmas - Mom hates the obligation for gifts, Tim hates spending money and for the last few years he has been sick. I always manage to make sure that things remain upbeat and positive. But this year, they got to me. I hate that and it makes me sad that I let them get to me this year. Although, even this year, after all was said and done, I was exhausted as always. I feel like it is such a big production that no one really appreciates - I feel like I work so hard to accomplish "Christmas" and when it's finally finished I'm truly whipped.

Christmas Eve Mom and I went to church at Mt. Bethel. When we got home from church, Tim, Joe and Andy had decorated the house. Masx and Rishad came over, we had dinner (this year it was horsdoeuvres) and drank way too much. Including shots of Goldschlager! On Christmas Day, we got to open presents with Lesley through the fantastic technology of Skype. Went to the movies Christmas afternoon - The Curious Case of Benjamin Button - Mom hated it - but she went in with the expectation that she was not going to like it. I thought it was entertaining.

In all honestly, I was relieved when Christmas was over! Weird. I drove Mom back to Texas on the 27th and spent three days goofing off. It was a much needed rest. Drove back on the 31st. Went to Lakes, tried to sleep on New Years Day to no avail, had company come on the 2nd and left for our road trip on the 3rd!

I want to work, I want to get Mango Tree going. It is so important to me to make this work...it's going to happen, I know it and i'm going to make sure that I give this my absolute best! New initiative - Sustenance. More about that later. City of Atlanta is being declared a City of ONE - may be a big event. Talk of being invited to NYC

So...

It's 7:10 on Saturday, December 20, 2008. The temperature is 64 - here's the rest of the details:

UV Index:		0 Low
Wind:		From SW at 9 mph
Humidity:		82%
Pressure:		29.90 in.
Dew Point:		59°F
Visibility:		8.0 miles

I love global warming (very tongue in cheek)!!! I remember living in Minnesota in December and it was so very cold.

As I walked the dog tonight, it was a fabulously balmy night with a slight, but warm breeze from the north. It made me think of a Joni Mitchell song - "the wind came in from Africa and last night I couldn't sleep." I walked thinking and imagining that I was feeling the wind coming in from Africa. That would be so amazingly awesome. I've never been to Africa so I don't know how it smells. But, I think the Joni Mitchell song was based on a bar she was at in Spain. In the book "The Alchemist" the young man discusses the levanter wind: "The levanter was still getting stronger, and he felt its force in his face. That wind had brought the Moors yes, but it had also brought the smell of the desert and of veiled women. It had brought with it the sweat and the dreams of men who had once left to search for the unknown..." I am called to Africa - I know it. It's in the wind when I walk at night in winter and it's in the new people I meet, in the conversations I have, in the business I want to do...The universe continues to move me that way.

My fabulously articulate intelligent hairdresser is reading Proust. I have never thought of reading Proust because I have the attention span of a 2 year old. When I was checking my emails the other day there was an email from Borders suggesting I look at Proust! So weird. I saw my hairdresser on Monday and told him of the coincidence - he thought it very strange as well. I'm not sure I'm ready for Proust. He thinks I'm centering and moving inwards. Interesting.

Went to a jewelry/textile Holiday show on Thursday. Met a man named Jake. His eyes were the eyes of a soul I know - who and where I don't know. He owns a business that is helping women to realize their economic potential by providing a business "incubator" for them. Irwin Street Market. Jake makes ice cream - phenomenal ice cream. Lynn and I told him of Mango Tree - he asked us what we needed. No one has ever asked us what we need - we were so astonished - we didn't have an answer. We need one! He also asked us a few questions, in general. Business plan? Commitment? And, then that question - of what do we need?!! He thinks he wants to do an ice cream flavor in honor of Mango Tree...a portion of the proceeds to Mango Tree! Amazing! Lynn had called me on her way from Canton and she called me asking if she should come. I said yes, absolutely, it will be fun. Look what happened.

Again the Universe is yelling at me. There's something I'm supposed to do. I hope I'm doing it.

The winter solstice is tomorrow - the shortest day of the year - I'm glad. From now on the days get longer and longer...I went to candlelight yoga last night with Suzanne. It was to celebrate the season. Ursula, our instructor, encouraged us to look for the purpose (I think she used a different word) for our celebrations whether they were Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or the winter solstice. She mentioned that she was traveling with her 80 year old mother to visit her brother. The brother has cancer, the sister-in-law is evangelical christian and thinks that Ursula is the devil because of her yoga. She wasn't looking forward to going but felt she should because her Mom wanted to go and because she wanted to make sure she got to see her brother - in the event he's not around next year.

Tim and Joe are at hockey game, Andy went Christmas shopping with Alex and I'm home alone with the dog. These days I'm not alone too often. It's nice. I'm able to think and enjoy the quiet. Sometimes I wonder what my purpose at home is - seems like cooking and cleaning. It's hard to think, now, of myself in that way.

So...

Inching Towards the Holidays

Joe came home from college last Saturday. Andy arrived on Tuesday. Joe drives himself home from school - arrived in time to meet Tim and I for sushi before we headed out downtown to Whiskey Blue. Andy has a long travel day - rising at 5:00 a.m. (after a few phone calls from me) and catching a shuttle from campus to the Minneapolis airport. The shuttle picks him up at 5:50 a.m. and gets him to the airport at 8:30. He has time to get food, check his suitcase...all those things. This time his flight was at 11:15 and fortunately he was only delayed a few minutes.

Tim picked him up at the airport - I had a mammogram. Mammogram was fine - not too painful. You don't get immediate results/readings but they will let me know if there are problems. Very unsatisfying. I find that I don't like being messed with lately and, lately, I've been messed with a lot (colonoscopy and mammogram during the same month). By the time I got home, Tim and Andy were here, Joe was home - Tim made tacos, I went to yoga. I am really making sure I am finding time for yoga these days. Of course, I'm not doing a damned thing else but, I'm at least getting to yoga.

Boys went to AC/DC concert on Tuesday night and from what I heard from them they are both deaf but the show was awesome - the band blew up some stuff on stage, had a 20 foot blow up doll (Joe has an affinity for blow up dolls) and a fake train on the stage. They both really enjoyed it.

I'm trying to get the Christmas shopping finished - geez! Lesley's stuff was mailed - she is having a "meager" Christmas - I'm sure she will be disappointed but it is really freaking expensive to mail stuff to Taiwan and, I know she knows that, but we sent her some neat stuff, wrapped up in Christmas paper, licked by the dog...hopefully we can get together via skype on Christmas Day. I have one more box of stuff for Lesley that will be sent tomorrow - not Christmas presents but some sweaters and skirts and Luna bars. Joe was easy this year and he's going to have a great Christmas. Andy is being a butt head and not giving me a list. I've threatened with socks and underwear! Maybe I will do that too! Tim is getting his pin marker and photo from the Masters Golf Tournament framed - it looks awesome, a sweater, I don't know what else. I'm a little pissed that he is so reluctant to give ideas for gifts. I have requested a plane ticket to Taiwan to see Lesley - hopefully by March. We'll see.

Tim and my Mom turn into scrooges this time of year. Every year I know it's going to happen and every year I am optimistic that they won't. But, alas, again this year they are here and they are grumpy. I don't get it. It's so frustrating because they make sure everyone around them knows how miserable they are. Personally, I'm so tired of it. Why not just relax and have some fun - why not just embrace the gift giving process and know that it only happens once a year. Anyway, I have some major shopping to finish up and I am irritated that I am having to do it so close to the end of things. Maybe I'll hit some good sales.

Going to the High Museum today to see the Terracotta Warriors. Everybody is giving me a hard time about going - I promised everyone lunch afterwards!

Heading to the Mountains

I am leaving late this morning to go to Cashiers, North Carolina with two of my good friends. Suzanne, Laurie and I are off to Laurie's place in Cashiers. I have never been up there and I hear it is spectacularly beautiful. Suzanne is bringing the food, I am bringing the wine and Laurie is providing the place! Should be a blast. I am looking forward to great friends, great food, great wine and great conversations.

Suzanne and I met Laurie this summer in France. She was one of the yoga instructors who organized the trip. When Suzanne and I first arrived at the train station in Thiviers, Laurie was with Kevin to pick us up. She had gotten there before us and had done some shopping so we had a lovely light dinner on the front porch of the gite! It was awesome. Laurie is fantastic - she's friendly, intelligent, beautiful, personable and funny as hell! We got to spend some time with her before all the other yogis arrived at the Chateau. And it was a lot of fun. Anyway, Suzanne and I both really enjoyed meeting Laurie and are trying to do things with her on a regular basis.

Both Tim and I are trying to get used to him being home full time. I sometimes feel like he thinks he is still living in a hotel - that someone else will take care of the details for him. Unfortunately, the maid stayed at the hotel. I'm just not interested in going back to those responsibilities full time. I think, in all honesty, that as my kids got older, as I went back to school, etc I was really able to get away from all the cooking and cleaning responsibilities - I don't want them back again. It's like I've been given a break from the mundane tasks of meal preparation after 23 years of doing it...and it's nice. I guess I keep thinking that as time passes, Tim will become more accustomed to being home and start to take on some of the responsibilities...maybe?

All this does, however, make me realize that I am not willing to sit around the house any more. I have become more restless as time has passed. For me, home is where my family is and right now they are scattered all over the country and world. So, I am living in this huge house - using 1/3rd of the space and trying to figure out how to travel. It also makes me realize that, even though I did exactly what I wanted to do by staying home and raising our family, that I maybe sold myself short. I am not financially independent - everything I have is because of what Tim has accomplished. My accomplishments have resulted in absolutely no financial gain or security for our family. So, it's creating a level of frustration in my mind. But, it's also got the wheels spinning. What can I do to contribute to the financial security of our family, how can I begin to create a level of financial independence that doesn't rely on Tim. I have a hard time taking money out of our family coffers to travel to Colombia or Malawi...but I don't have money otherwise. I've got to be creative, I've got to figure out how to make Mango Tree a financial reality...somehow, somewhere. I suppose it gives me something to think about.

Had a great conversation with Josh at ONE yesterday. I think he is going to give us a lot of freedom, a lot of flexibility and some access to people at ONE at a higher level - who are working with the same level of people we are.

I'm excited.

Colonoscopies and Dogs

I had my first colonoscopy on Friday. And, it's true what everyone says - it's not the procedure that's tough, it's getting ready for the procedure that sucks. I had a late lunch on Wednesday - really not that late which was not too good in hindsight - but I had a big salad at around 2 on Wednesday. We made some popcorn later that evening.

Starting Thursday morning I was on clear liquids only. I guess I'm a hog eater - but I was starving all day. I had jello, I had chicken bouillion. Tim even bought me lifesavers - no purple or red. I had the meds the doc required - dulcolax (four pills taken total) and Miralax - 15 capfuls in a liter of water x 2 four taken hours apart. After the first dose of pills and Miralax, nothing happened. Drinking the stuff wasn't too bad - I found out that I do not like it in sweet things - I had it in ginger ale and it was too sweet. But drinking a liter of anything is drinking a lot of stuff - and it all needs to be done relatively quickly. anyway, suffice it to say that after the second dose, things worked just fine. I was able to sleep most of the night, so I wasn't too whipped when I went to the hospital.

I was at the hospital at 8:15 for a 9:30 - they hooked me up to an iv - asked me lots of questions about my general health and then, took me to the procedure room. I was asked to lie on my left side, hooked up to a bp monitor, heart monitors and given oxygen (which at first the lady had turned up so high it was like blowing my nose out). Then the anesthesiologist came in - he told me that the first medicine (was there more than one) might give me a funny taste in my mouth and make my ears ring...about 2 seconds after he administered the drug I was out cold - I think I made a comment like, okay, that's it - I woke up in my own little cubicle with my husband sitting there...no wonder people really like drugs! I asked the doctor and the nurse if I couldn't have some of that medicine to take home with me!!!!!! The colonoscopy was fine - I have a little bit of diverticulitis in my upper colon - no problems though. No polyps, no cancer. I don't have to go back for 7 years!

I was so thirsty and hungry after we were all done. All the time I was not able to eat, I kept wondering if that gnawing feeling you get from being hungry all the time goes away. I don't think it does entirely. i think you just become numb to the pain...We went to Goldbergs Deli - I had a reuben and a coke - a real coke. Then last night I made pasta - fettucine with artichokes, capers, pancetta...it was absolutely delicious.

Now about the dog...my dog has turned into a spontaneous pooper...she no longer can wait to get out to the grass - which is maybe 25 yards from our back door - she just starts pooping in the driveway. It is the funniest thing - and the grossest thing. She will be just walking along and all of a sudden, the tail goes straight out and it starts. We had her on this fancy schmancy dog food from the vet - the last time I went to buy it it cost me $50 for forty pounds - I decided that we needed to do something different. She had been eating this "sensitive stomach" food - Cassie notoriously, remember she's a lab who will eat anything and everything and prefers kitty poops for treats - because she was prone to diarrhea. There's nothing worse than a big dog with bowel issues. Hence the fancy dog food. However, this summer, when I was out of town, Tim and Lesley ran out of dog food on the weekend and we were forced to buy grocery store dog food...she loves it and she has not had a bad reaction to the food at all...except for the spontaneous pooping issue!!!

Anyway, I know this is a fairly gross post - all about bowel movements and stuff but, for some reason, that's where my head is this morning! Tonight we are going to a party to celebrate Finnish Independence. My Finnish friend is making Thai food! We're making a little cake with a Finnish flag on it for her - my husband is a whore for white cake with white frosting and will use any excuse to get me to make one! I think we will just do cupcakes of something! Fortunately, the Finnish flag is easy to make!

Days After

I managed to survive the day yesterday without anyone telling me what to do, how to do it, without anyone telling me what I'm thinking and what I'm feeling - it was amazing!

I share my life with people who feel compelled to tell me how to do things. My mom is probably the worst. We have more little "discussions" on the process of doing things - I do them my way and she wants them done her way. Little things - like what to say to my kids, how to make cornbread. It's astonishing. Then, my husband has decided that he knows how I'm feeling and what I'm thinking...geez, it's amazing. I'm not presumptuous enough to think that I know how anyone feels or thinks...talk to me and then I'll know. I can tell if you're upset about something but not what!

Most of the time I am able to blow it off completely but after 9 days of instructions, I'm done.

I'm prepping today for my colonoscopy tomorrow. Liquid diet - no cream in my coffee. I'm not too happy about the colonoscopy - I don't like the idea of people going in an out place. I'm nervous about anesthesia, and, of course, my Mom has told me some horror stories about some of her friends who have had problems after their procedures. Of course, my husband tells me that I'm being silly! The laxative stuff is supposed to start at 2 - I think I'm going to start it a little earlier - can't hurt and maybe I'll be able to sleep tonight...not happy about this procedure. I've had three c-sections and when I was 18 I had my wisdom teeth surgically removed - had to go to the hospital but I refused to spend the night - my roomies took me home. Otherwise, I've been pretty lucky.

Rain here this afternoon. I'm going to yoga, then to the grocery store and to mail some stuff to Andy. We are working on Christmas gifts to get sent to Lesley. I don't know what to give her.

Mothers

My mom has had a pretty shitty year. She needed arthroscopic knee surgery to correct a problem with some cartilage in her right knee...they discovered she has no acl, that there were microscopic tears in her miniscus...she opted not to have knee replacement because she wants to be able to go skiing with my brother and his kids! Never mind the fact that she hasn't been on skis in about 25 years...she wants to go skiing. She should have had the knee replacement. While she was visiting I realized she can hardly walk at all - stairs are a huge problem, any kind of incline is a problem and she tires very easily. I can't imagine how she expects to ski. She got the orthopedic who did her surgery to fit her with an athletic brace - of course she doesn't use it when she walks. Fortunately she doesn't want to go skiing with my kids so I don't have to tell her I think she's absolutely fucking crazy! I'm going to leave it to my brother!

Around mid June, right after my husband and I returned from Europe with Andy, I talked to Mom and realized that, after she told me she hadn't been out of bed all weekend nor had she eaten all weekend, that she might be sick. I left for Texas a few days after I got home from Europe. Mom was really sick. She had diarrhea, fever and had not been able to keep any food in for a few days. I had called her doctor, got them to get her in, before I managed to get to Texas so they could start to treat her. Long and short of it - someone had authorized a change in her cholesterol medication, she had been taking it since April, and it had a really, really bad effect on her. She had elevated sugar levels, elevated bun and creatinine levels, blood pressure around 80...On the way to her house from the airport I stopped and got two whataburger juniors with japalenos. Mom had been trying to change the sheets on her bed since early in the morning - I arrived about 9:00 and she had not been able to get things in order. I'm glad I got there when I did. I was able to get her to the doctor another time, got her to eat, got the diarrhea under control - stayed for a week. I am worried that she won't realize, if she gets sick like this again, that she is as sick as she is! It scares me.

Then she had a problem with a tumor in her ear. The doctor took it out - had to remove skin from behind her ear because he took a huge hunk out of the inside of her ear. I was not there for that one. I should have been there. She had problems with bleeding, infections...all that shit.

Hurricane Ike was next - she lost power for a week. The day before she got her power back she manually opened the garage door so she could get her car out and she got her finger stuck - the middle finger on her right hand. Crushed it - fractured the entire end of her finger off - fortunately the skin was still intact or she would have severed her finger completely off. That also turned out to be a huge problem...extgreme pain, bleeding and infection! Her fingernail finally came off while she was here visiting - she was really willing to share it with everyone!

Mom has been here since November 23. It's challenging for me because she wants to be with me every second of the day. If she woke up before me she would come upstairs and sit in my office, reading yesterday's paper and watching CNN or MSNBC. As soon as she heard me coming down the stairs she was with me - in the kitchen, in the laundry room, walking the dog, anything I was doing she was doing it with me. Most of the time I don't mind but sometimes...It's really hard to constantly be taking direction for how to do things - specially when it's something you do all the time without direction. I got to go to yoga two days and got two walks in - each time I came home, she mentioned that she didnt' understand why it took me so long to do what I did and why I did it!!!!!! A couple of times she would sit in my office while I was trying to work - talking, asking questions, reading the newspaperout loud to me - there is absolutely no time for me to be alone, to be quiet and to think. I need that time.

She's on a plane back to Houston now. I feel guilty when I wish she wasn't here because I know that one day she won't be here. That's not a pleasant thought and as soon as I think it I push that thought out of my head. I enjoy what I can...ignore most of the stuff that bugs me.

Saturday morning, November 29 - what has happened to the week?!?!?

Mom came on the 23rd, Joe and Andy got home on the 26th. Lesley was not able to come home from Taiwan.

I bought groceries the week before (and some this past week). But, all in all, things went very smoothly - we made pecan pie, cranberry dressing on Tuesday, all the sides and an apple pie on Wednesday. On Thursday morning we made rolls, , blackberry cobbler (which was my birthday cake) and got the turkey in the oven. The turkey was freaking fantastic and had a mind of its own on when it was ready! We kept moving the meat thermometer to gain a little more time! We ate right about when I thought we would...We drank champagne t0 celebrate my birthday and Thanksgiving, then we opened a Sinskey 2005 Four Vineyards Pinot, then a 2007 Poppy...Of course, my dear husband who helped me purchase all the wine we bought in California is convinced that the less expensive wine he buys is better. Pisses me off - why spend money on wine if you don't think it's worth it. He seems determined to prove that less expensive wine he can purchase here is better! Refuses to enjoy the wine we purchased...oh well, guess I will have to do it without him.

We went to see Quantum of Solace in the evening - I loved it. Joe was hot and wiggly the entire evening, Mother talks too loud and sometimes makes inappropriate comments...I may have to go see it alone just to get to really enjoy it...

Yesterday we bought Joe a MacBook - his other computer that Lowry bought him before college died. Joe agreed that it could be part of his Christmas present - a big part.

The boys have hung around only when necessary - for Thanksgiving lunch and movies, etc. Last night they both spent the night out with their friends - Joe and his boys were up at Matt's lake house and Andy and his boys were at Matt's house. I believe Joe, not so sure about Andy. I worry about them both. Joe and his boys drink a lot - the last time they were at Matt's they had a visit by the police who asked them to keep things down! They were lucky they didn't get arrested...Andy, well he has been known to say he's going somewhere and not go there - plus, I'm not so sure he's completely honest about where they are and what they are doing!!! Oh well.

I'm restless and would really really love a nice long workout. I did get a chance to go to yoga yesterday - it was awesome. But, I really need some kind of cardio workout. I'm grumpy and can feel the energy storing up in me...not a good thing. Plus, I can see and feel it in my reactions to others. Too much energy.

Gotta run.

Lazy Sunday

I finally got some sleep but have been tossing and turning every night.

Tim has been sick all weekend. He leaves tonight for a day, home tomorrow night. I leave on Wednesday for the night, home Thursday.

The weather has been crummy - rainy, windy and now cold. I need to go for a walk so I think I will just suck it up, put on some extra clothes and head out the door. I waited until 10 to go figuring it would be warmer but, the joke's on me - it has gotten colder and windier. I suppose I could just go to the gym but I don't want to walk inside. So, I'm headed out.

We went to our friend Christine Stokke's new exhibit opening at Two Doors Art Gallery - her new exhibit features mannequins - they are very lovely. Great colors and depth. After her exhibit we went to the Horstman's for a "tailgate" party. Their son who is in college at University of Kentucky plays intramural hockey and they were in town for hockey games against KSU. Since Tim hasn't been feeling too good, we came home around 9 when Horstmans were getting ready to go to the hockey games. The games start late - at 10!!!!!

No fabulous insights. No fabulous words of wisdom.

Sleep?

Either it's the full moon or it's the fact that my hubby snores like crazy or that I have been so energized by the people around me and the work we do...

I haven't slept in two days...maybe about 10 hours since Wednesday!

I'm tired.

Coldplay and CEO's and CDC

Went to see Coldplay again on Tuesday night - I have now seen them the same number of times I have seen U2 - I like U2 a lot more. Coldplay is a good band - Chris Martin is fun to watch and they are all incredibly musical - and that is absolutely amazing! When we were leaving we saw the Suburbans right underneath where we were walking that were waiting for the band, there were only a few people waiting and we honestly toyed with the idea of going down to meet the band. It gave me the giggles though - I can't imagine the band's response when they come out the door to go to their cars and there are a couple of old ladies waiting for them!!!!! Even so, I did have on a very cool red sequin t-shirt!

My friend Kristi wants to go into the t-shirt business - she has a graphic designer and I have the edunLIVE connection...would be so fun! I want to do Mango Tree shirts but have absolutely no artistic talent so I would need somebody creative to help me. I want to pursue it...

Went to TaiChi yesterday and had a very interesting experience! We did our movement stuff and during the meditation, our teacher mentioned a couple of things that really resonated with me. We were working with our chakras, the third chakra (I think) the heart. What stuck with me is that the heart is the middle spot between our physicalness and our spiritualness. It is through our humanity (or humanness) that we come to our spirituality! Interesting! Next Shane told us to open our hearts - to open up to being vulnerable...before I could even process the words, I said NO - no way I'm going to open myself up to vulnerability! It was really strange - the quickness of the response, the immediacy of the response. Shane told me that I should really explore that feeling - I may, I may not. I don't tend to dwell too much in the past. For me, the experiences of the past have helped me to be the person I am today - for better or worse. It is what is!

My husband came home yesterday - Wednesday. For the past 14 months he has been commuting weekly from Atlanta to Philly. He hates travel and is a constantly reminding me of how much he hates travel! I have started to get used to doing my own thing lately - living alone is an interesting experience - I have spent the last 23 years raising a family, blah, blah, blah. So, it's really challenging to learn to be alone! I've never liked being alone - always enjoy people around, not that I need to take care of others, I just like people and noise in my daily life. I have learned to occupy myself at night, developed some good friendships and really enjoyed having no restrictions - except of course for my dog who thinks she is really a rooster! The first words from my hubby: "Do we have any soup left?, geez, I didn't sleep last night at all, geez, I don't feel good." Then the clincher - I was going to a meeting last night - "what are you fixing for dinner?" You've got to be kidding!?! This may be a very interesting transition!

Went to a meeting with the CARE Global Connections group last night. Our guest speaker was Charlie Stokes - the director of the CDC Foundation. He describes his efforts as a grasstops initiative. His rolodex is amazing - he can call this person for 500 phones to help rescue and relief efforts in China and he can call that person to leverage his senator to get $1.7 billion for new buildings. It's pretty amazing! But the bottom line to creating change isn't your rolodex - it's your commitment to education and to building relationships. The CDC Foundation operates at a level I don't want to achieve. But they are able to do some good things at that level.

But the part of this discussion that stuck with me is the issue of bed nets! The CDC Foundation does some work with bed nets - they sell them for $5 and then distribute them where they are needed. CARE sells bed nets for $10 which they also distribute where needed. I think it costs about $1.50 to make a bed net. I felt like these two organizations were using lifesaving bed nets to make a profit for themselves! This reall really bothers me!

Here's the deal: We haven't had malaria in the US since World War 2. It's entirely preventable and entirely treatable. Why are people still dying? There's just no sense to me. We know how to stop malaria, we know how to prevent malaria yet - we have the technology and the ability yet people are still dying. Yet our worldwide organizations are offering a bandaid to stem the flow of malaria. If there were to be an outbreak of malaria in the US, would we rely on bed nets to save us or to control the epidemic. No, we wouldn't. I know we wouldn't. So, why is it okay for others? But what pisses me off more, I can't do a freaking thing about it. What can I do to make this stop, how can I make this stop!???

Going to yoga and then working on social entrepreneurship!

Daily Horoscope

Sagittarius (11/22-12/21)

Your inner wild child may pop out today at an inopportune time, but it will be fine.

Section 1: How You Approach Life and How You Appear To Others

You are very strong-willed and proud, but intensely private
and not easy to know well. Behind your quiet exterior lies a
great deal of emotional depth, sensitivity, complexity, and also
fierce determination. When you want something you go after it
rather quietly but insistently and wholeheartedly - and you
usually get it.

Section 2: The Inner You: Your Real Motivation

You are a gambler and an adventurer at heart, one who loves
to take risks, to discover and explore new worlds, and to take
the untried path rather than the safe, reliable one. You are an
independent soul, freedom-loving, and often very restless. You
need a lifestyle that provides opportunities for travel,
movement, change, and meeting new people. A steady routine which
offers much in the way of security but little in the way of space
and freedom is odious to you.


I always read the comics, the obituaries and my horoscope. Today, the above is what came up as my horoscope. Then, there was this link to get a "reading." My reading is above.

The End is Near

It looks like the end of the CEO World Tour is finally coming! Tim is wrapping up his 14 month stint traveling weekly to Philadelphia. It's a complicated story but he will technically still be an employee through January. He will be working primarily from home with a few trips interspersed in between.

Tim doesn't really like to be away from home as much as he has been. It's what he agreed to do when he took the job but it's been challenging for him. So, in order to make his job/commute somewhat easierI've worked hard to make sure that when Tim comes home on Thursday nights that I'm available for the weekend - no stress, no agenda. Most of the time, we stay home because Tim's been gone all week, we eat at home, drink our own wine. Sometimes we have friends over. And, for the most part, it's been fun.

How do I feel about this? Really, pretty good! It will be the first time in our 26 year marriage that we have spent this much time together. Lesley was born after three years and then within five years we had three children. We were busy, busy, busy! Early in our marriage, when our kids were young, Tim was home every night. When he left private practice and went corporate, he really started traveling a lot. So, we've lived like everyone else with partners traveling. When Tim took a year off before, I was in school, very busy. So, while he won't be home everyday all the time, things will begin to look a little more normal for us. There's no kids home so the time will just be for us and whatever projects we are working on. Weird!

Except for, I've almost gotten used to having my time and space from Monday-Thursday. The hardest time for me is always the evenings. I'm used to the kids being gone all day but when it's 6:30 and it's dark, I'm ready for bed! So, I've worked hard to establish a "schedule" for myself - no tv before 8, read, walk, work out. Most importantly, I have some good friends that I really enjoy doing things with. It's been a lot of fun. I go out for dinner during the week, go for lunch - no one to answer to but myself.

Transitions are interesting. It will be nice to have a full time mate but it will take some getting used to!

Gonna go walk!