Wow, this is an amazing thread. I am responding to the first post because I am really not that well versed in Tolstoy or some of the others you are discussing. However, you have really piqued my curiosity and I expect to be adding some interesting books and authors to my reading list.
I grew up in a religious "mutt" family. My uncle took us to Catholic church - Roman Catholic, in latin and he told us when to stand, when to sit and when to kneel. I always like the ritual of the Catholic church. My aunt was a Southern Baptist and she took us to church with her. It was very intense - I usually left in tears. The other parts of my Mom's family were Presbyterian and my Dad's side of the family were Methodist. We had/have Jewish friends so I have also attended temple occasionally. As an adult, I have done some reading about Buddhism, Daoism and Islam - and I find them to be filled with beautiful thoughts on the world around us, before us and after us. I have had a very interesting religious education.
I guess because I was exposed to so many different thoughts over the years, it has led me to be extremely tolerant of other people's religious beliefs and methods of worship. So, while I can't say it was one group in particular that influenced me, I can say I was definitely influenced by some great religious thinkers. But it has given me a very diverse perspective to draw from.
From where I sit, it seems that religion has always been used to soothe our fears - from where do we come from (not literally, ha) to where do we go after we leave this earth - to explain the unexplainable. I think sometimes we need that kind of reassurance. For me personally, I find immense satisfaction in the simple things around me - my family, my friends, my health - in this life. I am not too worried about later! My faith is in the sunrise every day, the sunset at night, the pine trees that smell so great outside my home, the sounds of my children laughing...you get where I'm going with this.
Perhaps it is those very simple things that lead me to be so emotionally and physically disturbed when I look at the world outside of where I am. I think it is one of the reasons that I choose to be involved and why I am so determined to make a difference - so that others may be able, not to live my life, but to live life a little easier - not being hungry or sick.
I remember thinking that the rituals and traditions of Judaism and Catholicism were very neat. Then, after I married a Catholic, I realized that he didn't really feel the rituals...they were memorized. That kind of disturbed me and I realized that many of my Catholic friends were Catholic because that's how they were brought up, not because they had "chosen" to be Catholic. That kind of concerned me, but then I realized that that was the "structure" of my husband's faith. It was they way he believed. Please, know that I am not bashing anyone...not my nature, just an observation on my part.
It was in church that I became heavily involved with music. Before, I had played cello and piano but with the advent of youth religious musicals I found my voice and a guitar. I still remember the first time I played in front of a group - how completely mortified I was. Music has always played such a large role in my life and now here I am again, being influenced tremendously by music.
I am a new U2 fan - bought Joshua Tree in vinyl and then got too buy to even know what U2 was doing. The next thing I know, I'm taking my daughter to a U2 concert (2002) because I had heard that they were a good show and I was worried that I would miss seeing them since they were almost as old as I am and might stop touring soon, or worse, continue touring and suck! I walked away from the Elevation concert in Atlanta with my mind reeling. I had never heard or seen such a show - musically or politically. In a way, honestly, I was irritated. I mean, I tend to like my rock and roll rather mindless. But, U2 got me thinking - reopened my mind to a lot of things in the world I had avoided. I ended up returning to college to study international affairs and developing countries. Bono's lyrics, his activism and U2's music have caused me to think a lot. My life has been shaken up and I have been rocked out of my complacency. It used to be fairly easy to ignore the rest of the world - I had become so wound up in my own little territory of children, carpools, etc that I was convinced that I didn't have time for or need to be attendant to anything else. Yet, now I am looking around me trying to decide where I can make my contribution and where I may be able to have the most impact on those who aren't so lucky.
I agree - avoidance is necessary but all things must be dealt with at some level. It just seems like very few people are willing to take the time to think through things anymore. We are all looking for a quick fix to our issues - and we are all "bandaided" up. Personal responsibility is gone for many. We live in a society where keeping up with the Joneses is what its all about not evaluating your own standards and morals. Where I live, when kids turn 16 they expect a new car. My husband and I both get a huge kick out of that one - my hubby says he had never driven a car in the decade it was built until we got married and bought our first car together!
I grew up in the south - children were seen and not heard, girls were sweet and pretty, but boys were allowed to be boys, you never discussed religion or politics and you never wrote anything you didn't want someone else to have access to.
I laugh because I have children who frequently and openly discuss religion and politics, my daughter has always been a very outspoken young woman, my boys were held to the same standards of behavior that did not allow that mindless "boys will be boys" type of mentality. They were encouraged to be respectful of all people, to not fight with their fists but to learn to use words to express frustration and anger. When they did something inappropriate, you could see it in their faces - they never really needed to tell me. My children are more creative with words and music than I have ever been or could be - they all keep these wonderful journals and the insights I have gained from their allowing my access to them is unbelievable.
My responses to some posts on U2.com regarding who has influences in your life.
Sunday, June 18, 2006
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Little Pleasures
Thinking about some of my "little pleasures" in life:
Southern nights - the sounds, smells of pine and cypress, lightning bugs, the way the air envelopes you - as Neil Young says - "Let's go out and feel the night."
Lying in bed early in the morning listening to the birds, the sounds of others sleeping in the house. Collecting my thoughts for the day.
When the alarm radio goes off in the morning - getting to lie there listening to music.
Taking time to breathe - deep down into my belly, feeling the breath move through my body and energize me.
My husband in the morning - particularly when there's no rush to start the day.
Great friends.
Great wine and great food.
This life and the weird chance that it is real!
My kids for their wonderful diversity and fabulous minds.
Music that gets me deep in my soul and moves me, that makes me want to dance, that speaks to me like nothing else. The musicians who write those lyrics that move me and create those rhythms that make me want to dance.
A hot, hard sweaty workout that leaves my heart pounding and me drenched! The feeling that I get when I am finished is one of the greatest little pleasures. Getting the giggles today in bike class at the notion of being "kissed all over" (the song the instructor was playing while we were doing this monumental climb) while being really hot and sweaty. Pleasure at not falling off the bike while I am giggling!
Just thinking.
Southern nights - the sounds, smells of pine and cypress, lightning bugs, the way the air envelopes you - as Neil Young says - "Let's go out and feel the night."
Lying in bed early in the morning listening to the birds, the sounds of others sleeping in the house. Collecting my thoughts for the day.
When the alarm radio goes off in the morning - getting to lie there listening to music.
Taking time to breathe - deep down into my belly, feeling the breath move through my body and energize me.
My husband in the morning - particularly when there's no rush to start the day.
Great friends.
Great wine and great food.
This life and the weird chance that it is real!
My kids for their wonderful diversity and fabulous minds.
Music that gets me deep in my soul and moves me, that makes me want to dance, that speaks to me like nothing else. The musicians who write those lyrics that move me and create those rhythms that make me want to dance.
A hot, hard sweaty workout that leaves my heart pounding and me drenched! The feeling that I get when I am finished is one of the greatest little pleasures. Getting the giggles today in bike class at the notion of being "kissed all over" (the song the instructor was playing while we were doing this monumental climb) while being really hot and sweaty. Pleasure at not falling off the bike while I am giggling!
Just thinking.
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
New to Blogging
In case you haven't been able to tell, I am new to blogging. Last night, as I was lying in bed sorting out the day, I was thinking about blogging! I was raised to believe that you should never write anything you didn't want anyone else to have access to. As a result, I have never been comfortable with a diary or journaling. I always worried that someone would have access to my thoughts and feelings and that that wasn't okay. One time when I was in high school, my boyfriend would write me letters that were "suggestive." My mom found one of them, of course she read it and, that confirmed for me that I didn't want anything to do with putting my true feelings out there, especially in writing!
I'm not terribly creative - no poetry or "creative" writing. My blogs will be oriented to getting my head around all the thoughts in my head...redundant, yes? But, I am hoping to sort a lot of things out. Please feel free to post comments - just be gentle and constructive.
Thoughts for the day: Maturity,college and what am I going to do with the rest of my life!
At my age (entering the 50's), I should be thinking about retiring, downsizing the house, picking out a place to finish out my life. But, that is so dissatisfying to think about. For the last 25 years I have been a wife. For the last 21 years I have also been a full time parent of three. A very full time job and, for about 90% of the time, very satisfying! However, as I sent my first child off to college three years ago, it dawned on me that I was beginning to get into that age where I was moving from being "in demand constantly" to being "available as needed." A scary thought! For some reason, that really made me think about what I was doing with my life. I went back to college to study International Affairs - my emphasis is domestic and international service.
Going back to college has been a fabulous experience. I love going to class, I love interacting and learning. It is such a different experience than when I first went off to college at the ripe old age of 17. (All I wanted to do then was have a whole lot of fun.) The professors are interesting, my classmates (other than being a lot younger) are bright and passionate. But, going back to college has unleashed a fury within me. For such a long time I chose to ignore the world around me - I was so busy with three babies - it was really convenient for me to just read the comics in the Sunday morning paper and completely ignore the "world" section.
This fury within me is very hard to keep quiet. My biggest issue: that I chose to remain closed to the rest of the world while keeping my own little space as tidy as possible. I don't mean tidy in the sense of clean - I mean tidy in that I didn't deal with anything I didn't want to. When I had children, I allowed myself to shut down to the world around me. I was so focused and so serious about the task at hand - keeping the little ones safe from the world, trying to teach them to make responsible decisions. Not too bad of a decision but one that took me away. I was a child of the 60's and 70's - too young to really be involved with the protests but so very aware of what was happening around me. Yet, as I aged, I ignored that passion I had always felt.
Now, I feel like I need to make up for that. I find myself reading books and books - the troubles in Ireland (not a new issue, I know), Sarajevo, Somalia, Rwanda - searching for more and more information, trying to feed the fire and quell the fire at the same time. And what I find is that my response is so physical and emotional. When my Developing Countries class watched the Ghosts of Rwanda - I was physically and emotionally devastated for about two days. It took me that long to push the pictures back and gain some perspective (possible?) on what happened. I had the same reaction to The Age of Aids special on PBS. However, it has helped me decide which direction I want to go in the future. Such a satisfying thought - I have finally decided what I want to do when I grow up. What I have decided is that I, as one person in the world, can make a huge difference in the world. I want to be involved with initiatives to help people in developing countries - raising awareness on poverty, HIV/AIDS, education and, more importantly, economic development projects for women. I want to be involved in projects that teach people how to support themselves - projects that provide employment and economic development for communities at local and regional levels in developing countries. I want to make a difference!
Enough rambling for now. I need to go make pancakes for the youngest of my tribe!
nbb4740
I'm not terribly creative - no poetry or "creative" writing. My blogs will be oriented to getting my head around all the thoughts in my head...redundant, yes? But, I am hoping to sort a lot of things out. Please feel free to post comments - just be gentle and constructive.
Thoughts for the day: Maturity,college and what am I going to do with the rest of my life!
At my age (entering the 50's), I should be thinking about retiring, downsizing the house, picking out a place to finish out my life. But, that is so dissatisfying to think about. For the last 25 years I have been a wife. For the last 21 years I have also been a full time parent of three. A very full time job and, for about 90% of the time, very satisfying! However, as I sent my first child off to college three years ago, it dawned on me that I was beginning to get into that age where I was moving from being "in demand constantly" to being "available as needed." A scary thought! For some reason, that really made me think about what I was doing with my life. I went back to college to study International Affairs - my emphasis is domestic and international service.
Going back to college has been a fabulous experience. I love going to class, I love interacting and learning. It is such a different experience than when I first went off to college at the ripe old age of 17. (All I wanted to do then was have a whole lot of fun.) The professors are interesting, my classmates (other than being a lot younger) are bright and passionate. But, going back to college has unleashed a fury within me. For such a long time I chose to ignore the world around me - I was so busy with three babies - it was really convenient for me to just read the comics in the Sunday morning paper and completely ignore the "world" section.
This fury within me is very hard to keep quiet. My biggest issue: that I chose to remain closed to the rest of the world while keeping my own little space as tidy as possible. I don't mean tidy in the sense of clean - I mean tidy in that I didn't deal with anything I didn't want to. When I had children, I allowed myself to shut down to the world around me. I was so focused and so serious about the task at hand - keeping the little ones safe from the world, trying to teach them to make responsible decisions. Not too bad of a decision but one that took me away. I was a child of the 60's and 70's - too young to really be involved with the protests but so very aware of what was happening around me. Yet, as I aged, I ignored that passion I had always felt.
Now, I feel like I need to make up for that. I find myself reading books and books - the troubles in Ireland (not a new issue, I know), Sarajevo, Somalia, Rwanda - searching for more and more information, trying to feed the fire and quell the fire at the same time. And what I find is that my response is so physical and emotional. When my Developing Countries class watched the Ghosts of Rwanda - I was physically and emotionally devastated for about two days. It took me that long to push the pictures back and gain some perspective (possible?) on what happened. I had the same reaction to The Age of Aids special on PBS. However, it has helped me decide which direction I want to go in the future. Such a satisfying thought - I have finally decided what I want to do when I grow up. What I have decided is that I, as one person in the world, can make a huge difference in the world. I want to be involved with initiatives to help people in developing countries - raising awareness on poverty, HIV/AIDS, education and, more importantly, economic development projects for women. I want to be involved in projects that teach people how to support themselves - projects that provide employment and economic development for communities at local and regional levels in developing countries. I want to make a difference!
Enough rambling for now. I need to go make pancakes for the youngest of my tribe!
nbb4740
Friday, June 02, 2006
Yesterday I met with my advisor. Yes, I am a college student - and, a very non-traditional one at that. It was such a frustrating meeting. My advisor thinks that no matter what, I need to go to summer school. I told her, numerous times, I couldn't go to summer school this summer...my husband wants me to travel some with him, my youngest son is playing in 4 or 5 rock and roll bands, we have several family commitments and vacations...she just didn't get it! I guess she is just used to dealing with traditional college students (I don't mean that in a bad way) but when you're The Mom and The Wife, you have other things that require your attention! I don't think she realizes how bright, capable and well read I am (a little personal "boat floating"). I don't think she realizes any where near the depth of my passion and knowledge about the issues I choose to be involved in. I am inquisitive and unsatisfied with the "status quo" and so willing to use my time, energy and brain power to effect change.
Then, as she pulled a note pad out of her desk with the logo of the prestigious place I would like to do my internship on it - I told her that I wanted to do my internship there! She just looked at me, finally said something about it being "very competitive." I said that's great. She looked at me again and said "no, really competitive." I told her I had a 3.91 in my college coursework. Then, it dawned on me that maybe what she was really saying is that I'm too "OLD" to be considered for an internship at this place. I got my feelings hurt then I got pissed! Now, I'm just determined. Actually, what I am determined to do is to create my own internship. I met a professor this year who believes strongly in the notion that one person can really make a difference in the world. She is interested in economic development projects for women in developing countries and I have approached her about helping me with a project. She agreed to help and was thrilled at the prospect. I believe that things in my life happen for a reason and I am determined to not let one opportunity slip by!
Seems like my day yesterday was filled with some very thought provoking moments. Caused me to be very introspective and a little pissy! Ah, such is life! I think I will take a little time out this evening to have a glass of wine and maybe just breathe deeply!
nbb
Then, as she pulled a note pad out of her desk with the logo of the prestigious place I would like to do my internship on it - I told her that I wanted to do my internship there! She just looked at me, finally said something about it being "very competitive." I said that's great. She looked at me again and said "no, really competitive." I told her I had a 3.91 in my college coursework. Then, it dawned on me that maybe what she was really saying is that I'm too "OLD" to be considered for an internship at this place. I got my feelings hurt then I got pissed! Now, I'm just determined. Actually, what I am determined to do is to create my own internship. I met a professor this year who believes strongly in the notion that one person can really make a difference in the world. She is interested in economic development projects for women in developing countries and I have approached her about helping me with a project. She agreed to help and was thrilled at the prospect. I believe that things in my life happen for a reason and I am determined to not let one opportunity slip by!
Seems like my day yesterday was filled with some very thought provoking moments. Caused me to be very introspective and a little pissy! Ah, such is life! I think I will take a little time out this evening to have a glass of wine and maybe just breathe deeply!
nbb
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
