Dishes

This morning, my husband and I had a big fight about the dishes in the sink. You see, yesterday, we dropped the youngest off at school at 8:00 for play rehearsals then we went to the gym. Went for bagels, went to Wal-Mart - came home. Hubby fixed a big breakfast for himself - eggs, bacon, bagel...left all the dishes in the sink and the pots and pans that wouldn't fit in the sink were left on the stove. The dishwasher had dirty dishes in it but it wasn't full - in fact, the door of the dishwasher was open!!! I had a mini-bagel, put my dishes in the dishwasher, went for a shower. Came down, hubby's asleep on the couch and I'm starting my laundry and starting homework and studying for the day. I don't do his dishes. It pisses me off when he makes this big breakfast for himself and leaves the dishes in the sink like he thinks the freaking maid is going to come in and clean up after him. The day goes by - I still don't do the dishes. We got out for an early dinner, come home, watch tv - wait for the youngest to get home from homecoming (no date just a group of friends) and go to bed. Dishes still in the sink.

This morning, I get up, start the coffee, go to the gym for a spin class, come home and he greets me at the door with a diatribe on me not doing the dishes! I'm astonished and pissed off. I go up for a shower - he fixes breakfast AGAIN only this time, he gets most of his dishes in the sink and I finish up after I eat. But, I'm pissed!

I don't mind helping - he cooks, I help with cooking and cleaning. But for some idiotic reason, my otherwise completely intelligent husband doesn't understand that it isn't right for him to expect me to clean up after him. It reeks of pigishness (I had a Welsh friend who used the very descriptive word churlish for such descriptions.)

When I cook, I clean up. No one does it for me - I never cook for just myself and I always am cleaning up after everyone else. You see, for about 18 years I was a stay at home mom - hubby traveled, has a great career - I stay home, cook, clean, raise three children...now two of the kids are away at college, hubby is still in successful career (only he is taking some time off now - like a year and a half, with pay, of course so he's home full time) I only have one kid at home, am a full time college student (taking 5 classes, part-time job and a pretty large volunteer commitment (chorus and the Atlanta organizer for the ONE campaign) and he still thinks I should come home at the end of the day and take care of him.

He did laundry the other day (mind you it was only his laundry) and I thought he was going to break his arm patting himself on the back. Never mind that for 25 years - even when I worked full-time before kids and part time once the oldest turned 17 (she's now 21) and during kids - I'm still expected to do all the house chores. Did he ever once fall all over himself to tell me how nice it is to come home to clean clothes, a nice meal, blah, blah, blah. No, not really!

This ego thing in men is amazing! I live on very little input - very few people tell me what a great job I am doing. Most of the time I don't need others to acknowledge what I do or what a great job I do - it just needs to be done so you do it. I don't ask for a lot of special treatment. But my husband can't get enough! I now understand why women work...it's a place where you go and people recognize you for your brains and the accomplishments you make in a day are measurable. That's why I go to school - only, right now, I don't have a lot of academic confidence. Kind of frustrating - I'm making good grades and still don't have a lot of confidence.

Oh well. I have classes tomorrow - a Spanish test that I'm a little worried about - my other classes have demanded so much of my time that I'm a little worried that I'm not real clear on a few things. I will study some more tonight, in the morning and then at my break mid-morning right before I go to Spanish.

Ciao.

nbb